Shame or Blessing?
by airedalegirl1
Summary: A single night of unplanned passion has far reaching consequences that change more than one life and help comes from the most unlikely direction. J/B collaboration with katandjasper.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 **Bella**

His body was so beautiful, his skin cool and smooth under my fingers as his shirt fell to the floor. Hungry lips fixed on mine, his tongue running along the inside of my mouth as I groaned in pleasure. His hands glided over my naked body awakening feelings I had only been able to dream of until now. I had thought it would be wonderful when I first gave myself but nothing had prepared me for this. As he slowly entered me I found myself arching my back and trying to pull him further in my breath coming in short gasps.

At this point I woke up to find myself alone in my single bed in my own bedroom, the rain falling on another depressing daybreak in Forks Washington. I got up and crossed to my desk turning on my computer and bringing up my email program. There was the usual one from my mother asking how my college applications were going and telling me all her news. Then came the questions I dreaded, How is Edward? Has he proposed yet? I shut the laptop and closed my eyes, sitting back in my chair. I should have known better than to think I could take my mind off what had taken place only a week ago.

It played over and over again in my dreams which wasn't so bad, at least I didn't feel the crushing guilt in my sleep. That only came when I woke and realized I couldn't go on like this but deciding what to do was tearing me apart. Of course, I knew I had a choice, I could keep quiet, say nothing and act as if everything was just as it had been, Edward need never know but somehow I knew I couldn't continue, not after all that had happened. I knew and every time I saw Edward, every time he took my hand or kissed me I was comparing it with _him_.

Of course, Edward knew there was something wrong, he wasn't a total fool. I couldn't hide the change in my attitude but he had no idea what he'd done wrong, how could he? I was the one at fault, not him. I showered studying my body in the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. I didn't look any different but then why should I? It wasn't as if you were branded if you had sex, even if it wasn't with the guy you were in a relationship with but I felt different, more alive than I had ever done. It was as if I had been reborn but with that feeling came the terrible knowledge that I was wrong to keep Edward hanging on, I didn't love him, I'm not sure I ever really did. I had to find a way to break the relationship without explaining the true reason, that would only crush him still further.

I had decided today would be the day, it was a weekend so I wouldn't have to face him across a classroom for two days. We had nothing planned, he was just coming over this afternoon and Charlie would be at work so we would have the place to ourselves. I laughed a little bitterly if it had been anyone but Edward that might have meant something but he treated ,me like I was a saint or he was. He knew how much I had wanted him, I'd told him often enough but he refused to go further than we already had chaste kisses and cuddles. Now I was thankful, I doubted he could have taken me to such heights of passion.

I guess what upset me most was his excuse, that vampires lost control at such times and he was scared he would either bite or kill me.

"It's too dangerous Bella. Let's wait until school finishes then we can make plans. Get married and then, once you become like me, well, things will be different. Well, that had been proved a crock of shit! So, did he not fancy me? He knew I fancied him so did he find it amusing to keep me waiting? Well, whatever the reason, today he would get a shock.

I dressed in jeans and a sloppy sweater, comfortable clothes but clothes Edward wasn't keen on. The thought I wouldn't have to worry what I wore any longer felt strangely liberating as did the thought Edward wouldn't be trying to orchestrate my life any longer. I had found all that endearing at the time but now it felt claustrophobic.

I forced myself to eat breakfast with Charlie who as usual was oblivious to my nervousness. As a cop, he was red hot but when it came to his daughter…..he didn't have a clue but he wouldn't be shedding any tears over my parting with Edward. He had never been a great fan of Edward although he would be curious as to why along with the rest of the Cullens I was sure but they would all just have to wonder because I had no intention of telling anyone.

The closer it came to the time Edward was due over the more nervous I became. I knew what I was going to do was the right thing but that didn't make the telling any easier. I wondered how he would react, would he question me or just leave? Would he fight for me? Or walk away and forget all about me? I wasn't afraid he would become angry, Edward never became angry, that would be to lose control, and he feared that more than anything.

When I heard his car drive up I took a few deep breaths wishing this was all over and went to open the door. He was standing there by the time I swung the door open and greeted me with a beaming smile and a bouquet of flowers.

"You've looked really down this week Bella so I thought these might cheer you up. I got tickets for that movie you wanted to see too and we can have dinner before at the little Italian restaurant. The one we went to when we first met in Port Angeles."

I took the flowers from him wordlessly and he followed me into the kitchen and watched as I put them in a vase.

"Bella, I know there's something wrong and I think I know what it is."

I turned to look at him in surprise,

"You do?"

"Yes, and I understand. The ordeal in Phoenix was terrible for you and it didn't help your relationship with your father. Things have been difficult all round. Then, of course, I failed you last week. I know I promised to pick you up from work and take you to the school meeting but then I got held up. I would have preferred it if Esme or Rosalie had stepped in but Jasper was the only one home. I thought you'd forgiven me but I guess I was wrong."

"Sit down Edward, we need to talk."

He frowned but sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry Edward but things aren't working out and it has nothing to do with last week."

"Not working out? Oh, Bella, you just need time to get over everything that happened in Phoenix. I promise you that I will never let anything like that happen to you again."

He just didn't want to accept that things were over between us putting it all down to what happened in Phoenix. I couldn't explain the real reason and everything I did say he deliberately misunderstood or ignored. After half an hour I knew I would have to be brutal.

"Edward, it's over. I'm sorry to hurt you and I promise to keep your secret but that's it."

"Bella, you can't mean that. You are everything to me, my life."

"No, I'm not and you aren't mine Edward. You need to go."

" I don't think I could bear to lose someone else, we've already lost Jasper."

I only just managed to hold my face impassive,

"Jasper?"

"Yes, he told us last night he was leaving and this morning he was gone."

What he didn't know was that I was already aware of Jasper's departure. He had rung me yesterday and told me he couldn't stay. That he was sorry but he couldn't stand the thought of me with Edward and knew what had happened shouldn't have happened although he didn't regret that it had.

"I should go, Bella, I am so sorry but coming between you and my brother is all wrong, he loves you. I am so sorry Bella, I wish I'd met you first but….."

Then before I could say anything, tell him how I felt he rang off.

Eventually, Edward was forced to accept that I meant what I said and got up to leave.

"I'm sorry Bella for whatever changed your feelings for me. The funny thing is that Carlisle warned me if I didn't ease up on you I risked alienating you and I guess that's what I did but if you ever need anything, if I can ever help you in any way, Bella…"

At the door, he turned and kissed me tenderly on the forehead,

"Be happy Bella, that's all I ever wanted for you. To be happy and safe."

Then he turned and walked away without a backwards glance, it was over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 **Jasper**

I couldn't stop thinking about Bella, about the way she felt in my arms, the way we had fit together so well. But all those memories were tied up tight with terrible guilt. Bella was Edward's girlfriend, I had no right to take her as I had although it had been a mutual attraction. A moment of madness on both of our parts. A sudden mutual need that had overpowered us both and now we were left to deal with the aftermath.

I had striven hard to keep my thoughts of what happened out while Edward was around and because he knew the horror of my deepest thoughts I had succeeded but I couldn't stop torturing myself with the vision of Bella in Edward's arms the rest of the time so I had run, tail between my legs from the only family I had ever really known since I was a boy in Texas keen to join the Confederate army with no idea what the future held for me.

The girl who had pointed me towards the Cullens, Alice Brandon had promised me some peace, a new way of life but her visions had let her down this time, she hadn't seen Bella Swan coming. When we had parted in Portland, me to head north-west to Chicago while her future lay south in the Carolina's. I wondered if she had been blessed with more luck than me.

I didn't real;y know where to go, I felt restless and couldn't shake Bella from my thoughts but I must try or my mind would be tortured for all eternity. I guess the only person who might distract me was Peter. He had the gift of making me smile. One of the very few people who could boast that so I headed south hoping he'd be at their ranch in Colorado.

As I drove I pondered on the question of mates. I knew vampires had a mate, someone who made them complete but not every vampire ever found their mate and lived solitary existences as a result. I fully expected to be one such, after all the terrible things I had done while in Maria's thrall I could expect no better. What puzzled me was Edward and Bella. He had fully believed that she was his mate but how could that be so? If the two of them were soul mates then what about the experience she and I had shared? Or were things different if one were a vampire and the other human? Surely if Bella were truly Edward's soul mate then she would not have been attracted to me? Or had I been merely a distraction? Was I seeing or feeling much more into the incident than it merited? I could hardly ask advice from Carlisle or even Emmett. All I could do was to get as far away from Bella as possible and allow Edward to discover the true depth of her love for him in his own time. I hoped in my head that he would find true happiness with Bella but in my heart, I ached for her.

Every mile further from Bella I had an almost overwhelming urge to turn around but I fought it and by the time I saw the Whitlock ranch in the distance I felt a little more in control. Now if only they were in residence, perhaps I could get a little peace, some perspective.

My relief when I saw Peter in the paddock with the horses was overwhelming. Recognizing me he came ambling over, a smile on his face,

"So, you finally remembered where we live Major. You OK?"

I didn't even try lying to him, Peter may look like a simpleton but he'd cultivated that look for years, he was actually as sharp as a razor.

"Not really, no."

He snorted,

"Thought not, why else would you show your face around here with the fancy new family you have now."

I didn't reply or rise to the bait, I knew only too well what Peter thought of the Cullens, he considered them to be fake vampires,

"Fucking animal hunters! I ask you, who would choose to live on rabbit blood? They must have a few screws loose, the lot of them."

"Look, Peter, I didn't come here to listen to you bitch and harp about the Cullens."

"No? Then why did you come, Major? After all, it's been a long fucking time since we last saw you."

I shook my head. This had been a huge mistake, how I could have dreamed for one moment that I would feel better for Peter's homespun wisdom I didn't know.

I was walking back to my car when Charlotte appeared, a huge smile on her face and ran to hug me.

"Major! It's been too long."

"I already fucking told him that."

She glared at Peter but continued to hug me and I have to admit that simple gesture made me feel a whole lot better.

"Come in, you look weary Major. Are you staying? Of course you are, your room is ready for you."

She continued to chat making me feel welcomed as she steered me inside to a chair by the huge log fire.

I sat down gratefully feeling the warmth of being with the woman I considered a sister. Charlotte had always been the one who knew me better than anyone, far better than Peter for whom there were no shades of grey, only black or white.

"Right, no questions, You need to unwind. Peter, finishing bedding down the horses then we'll take a walk around the ranch, show The Major what we've done since he was here last."

"I'm not sure I remember what it was like then, did we have dinosaurs in the paddock?"

She glared at him again and pushed him out of the door.

"Just ignore him, Major, you know what he's like, he hates you having friends other than us."

"I'm not sure I do Charlotte, not any more."

Her eyes widened a little but she just shrugged,

"Well, take your time, you know you are welcome here as long as you want and when you're ready to talk I'm here to listen."

"Thanks, Charlotte, I appreciate that."

She knew I would tell her what was wrong in my own good time but that I couldn't be pressured.

Besides, I didn't know what to tell her, or even how I felt. Well, that wasn't strictly true, I knew I had feelings for Bella but I also knew they were forbidden, Bella was forbidden to me, she belonged to Edward and I had to learn to live with that but there was still the niggling doubt that his insistence they were mates couldn't be true unless humans were totally different from vampires in their relationships and I had no way of knowing that.

We walked and rode, played horseshoes, swam in the creek and played our guitars but she was always there in the back of my mind and in the quiet hours of darkness Bella would fill my thoughts. The scent of her, the feel of her warm soft skin against me, her voice as she whispered my name. Would I ever be able to forget her or would the memories slowly drive me mad?

Peter knew there was something and it drove him crazy that I refused to tell him what it was although he was overjoyed that I had left the family.

"They were all wrong for you Major. I know that fucking fortune teller sent you to them and I guess their diet worked for you but they screwed with your head, made you soft. It wasn't right, being surrounded by those freaks. Your place was always here, with us, with your real family. We could have helped you with the hunting crap. Have I asked you to go hunting with me once since you got here?"

"No."

"See? Did I offer to go with you hunting deer or rabbits or whatever the fuck it is you live on?"

"Yes, you did."

"Well then."

"Well then what?"

"Don't you think it's about time you told me what the fuck is going on?"

"Peter!"

"No Charlotte, Peter's right. I've been here a month and I owe you an explanation, besides, I have no idea what's going on and I'm hoping maybe you will."

"Too fucking right! We're here to help so spit it out Major."

Sitting down on the porch I tried to pull all my thoughts together and began to speak.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Bella**

I guess I should have realized that Edward would not want to stay in Forks once we were no longer a couple. However, he had been at school the following week and acted as if we were just friends but I could see how upset he was and felt terribly guilty. He had told the rest of the family and although Rose and Emmett spoke to me when we met in the corridor she couldn't hide her relief. Rosalie had never approved of our relationship but at least she didn't look worried which proved that she might not like me but at least she trusted me not to reveal their secret.

When they failed to appear at the beginning of the following week I thought it was due to the rare appearance of the sun, they had been forced to hide from humans in the better weather and I envisaged them hiking in the mountains or maybe hunting.

My friends were curious at the breakup but apart from Lauren they left the subject alone knowing I would talk about it when I felt able. I hardly knew what to say, no one would believe I had just woken up one morning and decided I no longer loved Edward, they all knew I had been crazy about him. By the same token, I could hardly tell anyone the truth. I could just see the raised eyebrows and scandalised looks if I said I had slept with his brother, besides which there was more to it than that. To say we had slept together made it sound sordid and it had been far from that. Our emotions had merely overwhelmed us, wrongly of course, but it had been so wonderful. It had certainly taught me that Edward was not the one I wanted to spend eternity with even if I had been convinced of that before. I really didn't know what I wanted any more. My life had become complicated, when I was awake I felt guilty and unsettled but when I slept….

My nights were filled with an aching longing interspersed with the most wonderful memories of that single night, not even a whole night yet those few short hours had changed me beyond recognition. I could see my dad watching me when he thought I was occupied, he suspected something serious had happened to cause a breakup with Edward but he wouldn't ask. He would just enjoy the fact it was over, he had never liked Edward and didn't even attempt to hide his delight. When he came home on the Monday evening he didn't look his usual placid self and I soon found out why,

"The Cullens have left town."

"What? All of them? How long for? Why?"

"I thought maybe you could tell me. Didn't Edward tell you anything?"

I shook my head still trying to work out why they would have just upped and left, surely not just because of me?

"Word is that there was a family emergency. Carlisle's brother is really sick and they've moved to Florida to look after him. I didn't even know he had a brother."

Neither did I and it was a lie, it was all a lie. The Cullens had no family except each other and the Denali's and they certainly wouldn't have gone to Florida, home of almost constant sunshine!

"It's left the clinic short-handed."

I only partially heard his last words, I was busy feeling even more guilty, was I responsible for forcing the Cullens out of Forks? It meant I would never see any of them again and there was no chance of seeing Jasper again either. I guess I'd always held out the faint hope he would come back if only for a visit and I might catch a glimpse of him.

That night as I lay in bed I found myself falling into a well of misery. I would miss them all, even Rosalie's familiar scowl. I had hoped maybe Edward and I could remain friends although that was probably naive but most of all I had lost my only connection to Jasper. I had no idea where any of them were right now and no way of finding them. I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts until I came to Edward's name. I could call him or text but would he reply? Would it be fair to him after I'd told him it was over? Besides, what would I say? My main reason for ringing would be to find out where they were, where Jasper was and Edward would have no reason to tell me. If I mentioned Jasper I might even start Edward wondering why I was so interested and I couldn't cause a rift, that wouldn't be fair to anyone.

I put the phone down and lay back closing my eyes feeling worse than ever. Tears trickled from beneath my closed eyelids and I let them come grabbing my old bear and holding him tightly to my chest for comfort. Why did I feel so terrible, it had been my decision to finish with Edward and the situation between Jasper and I had been a mere aberration, it meant nothing, how could it? Yet night after night it was his face that I saw in my dreams, his voice with its soft southern drawl that I heard. It just wasn't fair.

Every day for the rest of that week the empty table that had been occupied in the cafeteria by the Cullens sat like a dreadful reminder of what I had done. No one mentioned it although I felt all eyes on me, well no one until Lauren slipped into Mike's unoccupied seat, he was home ill with the flu.

"So Bella, any news on Edward? Has he called you? Don't you feel a fool breaking up with him now? If you'd just waited he would have left anyway. You obviously didn't mean that much to him. I guess you'll be looking for a replacement now. I know Tyler has the hots for you unless of course, you prefer Rutting Bull or whatever he calls himself from the Res. He's cute too but he is a little young and that village…"

I turned to glare at her,

"If you are referring to Jacob Black then say so and there is nothing wrong with the Quileutes village you bigoted bitch."

I got up so quickly my chair fell backwards with a loud clatter and I stormed out. It was that or slap Lauren which is what I really wanted to do.

I should have calmed down outside and gone back in when the bell went for afternoon classes but instead, I drove home throwing my book bag on the hall floor and running upstairs glad that Charlie wasn't home because I couldn't explain why I was so angry and miserable. By the time he got home I had pulled myself together and started dinner but of course, nothing happened in Forks that he didn't hear about.

"You missed afternoon classes I hear. Did you forget to sign out?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'll apologize in the morning."

"So? Why did you leave? That's not like you Bella."

"I had an argument with Lauren, she's such a bitch and I wasn't feeling well. I think I might have caught Mike's flu."

That distracted him somewhat,

"Yeah, it's ripping through town, I've got two deputies and a dispatcher off and the clinic's been snowed under. Do we have anything in the house for it?"

I nodded relieved when he took his coffee into the lounge along with the newspaper. He wouldn't move or speak now until I called him to eat and I would escape upstairs straight after using the flu as an excuse. I did actually have a headache and a slight temperature so maybe I was going down with it after all. Now wouldn't that be ironic?

By the early hours I realized I had been right, I was getting sick. I could hardly breathe, my chest and head both hurt and I ached all over. When Charlie popped his head round my door the next morning he shook his head,

"You look like crap Bella. Better stay in bed, I'll call the school and let them know they've lost another student to the flu. Can I get you anything before I leave?"

I shook my head, I just wanted to go back to sleep and hoped I would feel better next time I opened my eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Charlotte

I felt for The Major, it was quite a predicament, especially for such an honourable man. Our emotions overcome us all on occasion but to end up in bed with his brother's girlfriend and not only that but the girl Edward had thought was his mate was pretty serious. I knew he was looking to me for answers but I wasn't sure I had any for him, none he would want to hear anyway.

When he finally fell silent I expected Peter to have plenty to say but he surprised us both by shaking his head.

"Sounds like a fucking mess Major but sometimes hormones just fire up and you're lost."

It wasn't quite the way I would have put it but in essence, he was correct.

I turned to our friend who was studying me closely.

"You were hoping my gift would be able to give you some answers weren't you Major?"

He shrugged,

"Not necessarily Charlotte, but I guess I was hoping you might be able to make sense of it as another woman."

I sat back collecting my thoughts before speaking, aware he was looking to me for understanding.

"Major, I think it's clear that this girl was not Edward's mate so what you did wasn't such a crime. True you acted less than honourably but it sounds to me like there was a connection that you shared. What connection isn't easy to say. How did it feel to you?"

"I'm not sure I can trust my gift when it comes to Bella Swan."

"That's understandable enough, she's a human and you are used to vampire emotions. Everything is different when you become a vampire. Humans are much more complicated than us. We recognise our mate and coming together is instantaneous and mutual. Humans fall in and out of love all the time. It's true that they feel connections like we do but usually these aren't lasting connections."

"So you think it was just a spontaneous mutual feeling of lust?"

"Honestly? I don't know Major. I don't see her in your future but as she's a human that doesn't necessarily mean anything. All you can do is to carry on with your life away from her and from Edward. I doubt he'll ever understand what happened in Forks and although but it would be better if you stayed well away."

"You can stay here Major. At least you'll be able to get your head together in peace."

"Thanks, Charlotte, I think I might take you up on that.

Jasper

I felt I'd found a refuge here at the ranch and I threw myself into the work of keeping it running smoothly. Peter had some great horses and had started a breeding program so there were a few foals around too. We rode every day and I went with him to look over some new mares in the nearby town. It almost felt as if I had stepped back in time, back to the ranch my parents had owned although it had been smaller and on a much-reduced budget.

In the evenings once the horses were bedded down for the night and while Peter and Charlotte spent some quality time together I would go for a run into the mountains. I needed to hunt but I found it hard to concentrate and muster some enthusiasm. Whenever I found myself alone and in the peace of the forest my thoughts would return to that night, to Bella.

I had deliberately not contacted the family since leaving. I didn't want to hear how happy Edward was, how he and Bella were making plans for the future. Would she still think of me? Of the experience we had shared if only so briefly? A part of me hoped she had forgotten it, pushed it out of her mind and gone on with her relationship with Edward although I agreed with Charlotte, how could she be Edward's mate if she had been attracted enough to me for us to make love?

There was, however, a small part of me, in the deepest recesses of my mind, that hoped she could not forget me. That I would always be there and that she would understand Edward was not her one true love. Did that mean that I also hoped she would see me as his replacement? I couldn't, wouldn't answer that, not even to myself. If we had both been human or both vampire then perhaps but we weren't and Bella deserved better. I hoped she would find true love and be happy in her own world. I wasn't sure she belonged in ours. I wasn't sure anyone belonged in our world unless we were ripped from the human one by forces beyond our control.

I expected a couple of weeks with my friends would help me to forget Bella but in fact the opposite was true. Absence wasn't helping at all, I just couldn't break free of her.

"Man, you've got it bad Major. You never heard of love 'em and leave 'em? She's a human and a pretty stupid one if she finds Edward Cullen appealing. Maybe you need to get laid again, give you someone else to think about."

I knew Peter was only trying to help so I bit my lip on any reply, besides which if I did rise to the bait he would be on it in a second. You never showed any hint of weakness with Peter, that was asking for trouble.

Charlotte suggested I get in contact with Esme or Carlisle,

"I'm sure they are wondering where you are if you're OK and it's a way to find out what's going on with Edward and Bella. At least you would know then."

I wasn't sure what it was that I would know, if they were still together then I guess I would understand it had meant nothing to Bella but if not then would she have explained why to Edward? I doubted it, far too embarrassing for her besides just because she had broken off her relationship with Edward did not mean that she would be interested in me.

After much thought I decided Charlotte was right, I owed Carlisle and Esme at least a call after all they had done for me and when I heard the relief in Esme's voice I understood she had been worried about me. Well, I had left with no real explanation.

"Jasper! How are you, we've been wondering when we might hear from you. Is everything OK? You seemed so agitated when you left. Where are you?"

I explained I was staying with Peter and Charlotte and heard a note of understanding in her voice when she spoke again.

"I don't think we understood quite how much the trouble with James and Victoria affected you. It can't have been easy for you having to fight and kill that monster. Did it bring back memories? Rosalie thought that might have been the reason for you leaving. Sometimes we forget just how traumatic your past was, I'm so sorry. Are you coming back soon?"

"I'm not sure Esme, it's very peaceful here."

"I understand and with Emmett in a bad mood it's not so quiet here I'm afraid."

"Oh. what's his problem?"

"The weather, it's been unseasonably sunny here in Chicago so he's been housebound a lot and you know how much he hates that."

"Chicago?"

Esme explained that the family had left Forks and were staying temporarily in Chicago but we're due to fly out to England in a couple of days.

"I'm sorry but why leave Forks? And why going to England?"

I wanted to ask if Bella were going with them but I had no excuse to ask that question and I didn't want there to be any suspicion about my interest in Edward's girlfriend.

She laughed a little,

"I guess it must sound strange to you but I was going to contact you, I was hoping you might be coming back soon, we miss you. Of course, you wouldn't know but Bella and Edward have parted. It was all very sudden but at least it was amicable. He hasn't told us all the details but it seems the two of them decided to call it a day. Personally, I think it was her decision but Edward wasn't prepared to apportion blame. It was very difficult for them being at the same school so Edward decided he should leave, it was only fair Forks being Bella's home and we decided it would be better for us all to leave. Carlisle needed a good reason and told the clinic his brother who lived in London was seriously ill. So, we're going to live in England for a while, it should be fun, I've never been there but then neither has Carlisle, not since the 1670's anyway!"

When I put the phone down my mind was in a whirl, Edward and Bella had broken up and the family was on its way to England. But why had they broken up? And had it been Bella's decision? Was I reading too much into this? Could it be possible that I was the reason behind the breakup? I had no idea and I didn't know how to find out without approaching Bella and I was…...well, too nervous to do that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

 **Bella**

Both Charlie and I came down with the flu and spent a few days feeling sorry for ourselves wrapped in blankets in front of the fire drinking hot honey and lemon and dosing ourselves with cough medicine and headache meds. I felt wretched, I knew I'd done the right thing breaking up with Edward but I still missed the family, they had been such good friends.

When I went back to school I still felt weak and sick and struggled to pay attention in classes. By lunchtime I knew I'd gone back too soon and signed myself out going straight home to bed. I was asleep in seconds and slept through Charlie coming home which was amazing as he made enough noise to wake the dead usually.

When he finally woke me up to eat I threw on my robe and stumbled downstairs dreading to see what he was dishing up for dinner, he wasn't much of a cook. I was pleasantly surprised to smell chicken but all was explained when he told me Deb's had handed it to him as he left with instructions how to reheat. Sitting opposite him I tried to look enthusiastic and hungry but I could only manage a couple of mouthfuls before my stomach began to protest. Putting my fork down I sipped water but even that tasted odd so I excused myself and went back upstairs just making the bathroom in time.

Charlie told me to stay home another couple of days,

"Some people have been laid up for a week or more Bella. There's no point in pushing yourself, you'll just be ill for longer. I'll bring dinner home, anything you fancy?" I shook my head then wished I hadn't, the room swam and I groaned closing my eyes and falling back on my pillow.

By the next evening I was beginning to feel better, I even managed some dry toast and warm milk but I couldn't bear to watch Charlie demolish a huge pizza chased down by a beer as he wasn't working the following day so I went back upstairs and climbed wearily back into bed.

Somehow I couldn't shake off this feeling of lethargy and misery. I guess it was suddenly being alone after thinking I knew what my future was going to be. I had it all figured out. Edward and I would finish High School, go to college and then get married. I would become a vampire then and live for eternity with the man of my dreams. But he hadn't been, had he? Suddenly everything changed and it took only one look, a single night and my world had fallen apart.

Did I regret what happened with Jasper? In all honesty I couldn't regret it. If nothing else it had shown me that I had been in danger of making the biggest mistake of my life. I guess I would have felt better if Edward had shouted at me, demanded to know what had changed, begged me to change my mind. He had been so sweet and understanding. That made it all so much worse especially as it had been a one-night stand with his brother that had made me see the light. What would Edward have done if he'd known the truth? I had wanted to tell him but it wouldn't have been fair on him or Jasper and what would the rest of the family have thought of me? Or of Jasper? They were his family but would they have turned away from him if they knew the truth? It was all very confusing, dark and depressing and didn't help me at all.

I went back to school the following week and tried really hard to find my old enthusiasm but it was hard. Angela and Jessica tried to cheer me up, they even took me to the cinema on Friday evening but by the time we finished eating at a diner on the way home I had forgotten the plot of the film.

On Sunday Charlie and I went to the reservation for a barbecue but the smell of cooking fish and ribs was nauseating and I found a quiet spot to sit alone hoping to be overlooked but that was a lost cause. Sue found me first looking concerned.

"Bella, are you OK? Your father's worried about you. He says you haven't been the same since you broke up with…."

She couldn't bring herself to utter Edward's name so I just shrugged, "I'll be OK, I think it's the flu that's dragged me down."

She left once she realized I wasn't going to confide in her and then Jake appeared with two plates of barbecue and glasses of soda. He handed me one and a napkin then sat down beside me smiling.

"So, you finally came to your senses Bells. It's good to see you back on the res. Maybe we can go out some time now the leeches have moved out."

"Don't Jake, just give it a rest." I put the plate down and sipped the soda trying to ignore the sound as Jake devoured his ribs.

"You should lighten up, you had a narrow escape, or are we just too lowly for you now?"

I wasn't in the mood for sparring with Jake, my headache was back, in fact, everything ached so I got up and started to walk away. Jake tried to stop me but I turned on him, angry now.

"Butt out now Jake, and get your hands off me before I throw this soda over you."

It was a weak threat but he got the message and his hand which had been scorching against my skin dropped to his side.

I was glad to leave the Quileute village, it had felt like another home when I was young but now it felt like enemy territory and not only because I knew their secret. By choosing to side with the Cullens I had become an outsider but the funny thing was that I really didn't care. In fact I didn't care about anything much any more and that worried me slightly.

Charlie didn't say much on the way home but I knew he'd seen that Jake and I had exchanged angry words. By the time we got home I was regretting passing on the barbecue, I was hungry, no amend that, I was ravenous and much to Charlie's amusement I made myself a stack of pancakes and poured half a bottle of maple syrup over the top and then added some whipped cream.

Of course, I paid for my heavy meal during the night waking up feeling sick as a dog. I managed to keep it down but vowed never to binge like that again. Strangely enough, I didn't usually like maple syrup on my pancakes preferring blueberries but I had wanted something sweet. Maybe my body was telling me that I needed building up again, I had gone for days unable to eat for the feelings of guilt after my night with Jasper. just the thought of his name was enough to make the hairs on my arms stand up and I wondered where he was and if he ever thought about me in the way I remembered him.

Sunday I did the laundry, caught up with my homework and the classes I'd missed while cooking a roast dinner for Charlie who had a split shift that day. The smell of the meat cooking turned my stomach so I spread my books out in the lounge but found myself daydreaming instead of studying. I was in a warm sea being caressed by the waters as I watched a red sun overhead. It was strange, I'd never been anywhere with the sea as warm as that, the ocean around here was just about Arctic cold most of the time and if we had a red moon it was a sign of bad weather to come. But in my dream it was peaceful and I felt very calm, I wished I could stay here but the sound of the timer on the oven buzzing insistently brought me back to reality with a groan.

I spent the rest of the day concentrating on my school work and by bedtime I was ready to hand in a couple of pieces of work I had missed and was exhausted. The very thought of school the next morning made me groan and pull the covers over my head. Maybe I would be able to drum up more enthusiasm in the morning. I could only hope so!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

 **Jasper**

I had no idea what to do, should I go back to Forks and speak to Bella now she was no longer involved with Edward? Was the breakup because of the night she had spent with me? That was a hugely egotistically thought on my part. Maybe she had decided she no longer wanted to be involved with vampires at all and who could blame her. Perhaps our night together had shown her that Edward was not right for her. She hadn't asked me not to go when I told her I was leaving but why should she? Edward was a far better fit for her than I could ever have been.

I decided to stay here with Peter and Charlotte, I was among friends and I still hoped that maybe Charlotte would be able to make sense of what had happened with Bella. Being around horses helped to ease my tension and I managed to forget about her for a few minutes while I was riding but she always came back. If I were human I would have gone straight back to Forks and confront her now I knew she was alone but I wasn't human, I was a vampire, one of the worst kind and she deserved so much more. I had put my own history where it belonged, at the back of my mind but I couldn't expunge what I'd done and to bring such bloodshed and horror into Bella's life was just wrong. I had been wrong to sleep with Bella, with my brother's girlfriend and now I would live with the consequences, it was my problem, my sin, not hers, and I hoped she didn't still feel guilty about it if she thought about me at all.

 **Bella**

I struggled through the next week at school glad to have a short week with Thanksgiving coming up. A nagging headache stayed with me despite taking some Tylenol but worse than that was the weariness. The strange dream continued to haunt my sleeping hours and I would wake up exhausted as if I hadn't slept at all. It was driving me crazy and I looked it up on the internet, dream interpretations. There was a lot to wade through but I wrote down anything that was repeated on several different websites and ended up with a rather confused list.

"To see yourself floating on water in your dream is a sign that you are trying to accomplish something which is proving to be difficult.

Dreaming of floating in the sea indicates that you need to face your fear

The Moon is a sign of romance and intuitions arising from the unconscious;

If you dream of the moon being another colour, especially a red moon, this symbolizes disappointments in love.

A red moon symbolizes troubles beyond one's control or voyages, pilgrimages."

Needless to say, I was more confused than before I started! I was supposedly trying to achieve something difficult that was frightening me while at the same time had something to do with romance which was trouble beyond my control and would be connected with a journey! Now I knew why I usually avoided dream dictionaries.

I was supposed to help at a drop in coffee evening at the station but Charlie took one look at my drooping eyelids and told me to stay home. He had plenty of other help and I had been baking so he had trays of cakes and cookies which in truth was what he really needed. I hadn't been looking forward to listening to the good people of Forks bitching about youngsters cycling on the sidewalk or playing baseball in the street and dog mess not being picked up! It was the same few topics every year.

I looked around, the kitchen was a mess but I really didn't have the energy to do more than load the dishwasher and put away the ingredients I had used. The counter tops would have to wait for tomorrow to be scrubbed. I couldn't even bother making coffee, instead, I grabbed a couple of cold pop tarts and a glass of milk and collapsed onto the couch. I ate one of the pop tarts and drained the milk before dragging myself upstairs to take a quick shower.

I washed my hair and wrapped it in a towel before cleaning my teeth then looked at myself in the mirror and groaned, I was beginning to resemble a panda with dark circles around my eyes. I looked like Edward when he was thirsty. No, I wouldn't think about him, it was a bad idea. Thinking about Edward led to thoughts of Jasper and that only led to the strange dreams I kept having. Of course, once I thought of the two of them I couldn't stop and that meant I would be dreaming again tonight so I picked up a book for something to concentrate on instead.

Charlie woke me when he came in, I had fallen asleep sitting on the bed and my book had fallen cover up on the floor. He didn't call out goodnight thinking I was asleep and I didn't bother to enlighten him, I didn't feel like talking and I knew he would come in, sit on the edge of my bed and tell me all about his evening, every detail would be covered and I was too tired to listen and make the appropriate responses.

I woke up again in the middle of the night feeling that I wasn't alone, the feeling I had experienced when Edward used to climb in the window when Charlie had gone to sleep. I looked around but my room was empty, moonlight flooding through the window illuminated every corner yet I still felt a presence close to me, it was eerie.

I overslept the next morning and by the time I came down for breakfast Charlie was getting ready to go fishing with Harry. He grinned at me,

"Don;t worry about dinner Bell's, Sue invited us to eat with them."

"Not me dad, I'm still not feeling too good, apologize for me will you."

"Sure, but if you're still feeling ill next week you'd better call the clinic. Seth went down with Mono, maybe you've got the same thing, it's not like you to be so tired."

I nodded,

"I will."

When he had gone I poured coffee that he had made earlier and zapped it in the microwave making some toast before sitting at the table and opening the weekend paper. I don't remember anything I read and only drank half my coffee then went up to get dressed. As I wriggled into my pants I noticed they were tight around the waist, Charlie had done the laundry last time and must have put it in at too high a temperature, looks like I might have to buy myself a new pair!

Opening the refrigerator I glanced at the shelves trying to find something that tempted me for lunch but then closed it again without finding anything except another glass of milk. This was ridiculous I had to eat! As I continued to flick through the paper a photograph caught my eye. A heavily pregnant pop star beamed out at me and suddenly I felt as if someone had tipped a bucket of icy water over my head. I was late but I'd put it down to being ill, my pants were getting tight and I felt nauseous when I saw food. Surely I couldn't be…...could I?

Oh God! Was I pregnant? If I was then the baby had to be Jasper's, I hadn't slept with anyone else and that, in turn, meant it was part vampire. No, I couldn't be, not after a single one night stand with a vampire surely but if I was…..if it was true then what the hell was I going to do? I had no idea where Jasper was, I had no idea where any of the Cullens were and I couldn't go to a human doctor, the baby would be seen as a freak, it might die. Besides I had no idea if a vampire pregnancy would go the same way as a human one or what I might need to do. Suddenly I was very, very, afraid.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

 **Bella**

I didn't sleep that night worrying that I might be pregnant and worrying what to do if I found out I was. It was so stupid, so irresponsible, I hadn't even considered starting to take the pill, I had no real boyfriend until Edward and I was too young and careful to get involved in any sexual relationships, I hadn't even wanted to sleep with anyone before him but he refused. He told me that he loved me, wanted to spend eternity with me but he wouldn't make love to me unless we got married and I was far too young to even consider that so I'd left the pills in my closet. What was the point of taking them if I was to remain a virgin and loving Edward as I did I couldn't imagine seeing anyone else as a sexual partner and then….

I groaned, what a mess, what a terrifying mess I might be in. If the baby had been Mikes or Eric's or even Jake's then I could have gone to our doctor, told my dad even. He would have been angry and disappointed but I knew he would have stood by me, the father of the baby probably would have too, at the end of Charlie's shotgun maybe but at least I would have had support. With a baby that was at least part vampire, none of those choices was open to me.

I calmed myself a little by reminding myself that I was often late, irregular even. I might well be getting into a panic for no reason at all. I would drive to Port Angeles tomorrow after school and buy a test kit, that way I would know for sure or at least I hoped I would but then I started worrying all over again. What if a vampire pregnancy didn't work the same way, it might not show up the same way a normal pregnancy would. If I didn't ease up I would be making myself sick anyway, sick with worry.

All my friends remarked how pale I looked and I was watched at lunchtime to make sure I ate something, I was sure my dad had put them up to keeping an eye on me. By the time I left I was feeling like all eyes were on me and felt relief that I had worn loose clothing, what if someone noticed I looked a bit fatter than before I couldn't possibly let that happen, what would the vampire rulers do if they heard about a hybrid baby on the way. Not only might I be killed but my father and the Cullens, Jasper, too.

I picked out a drugstore well off the beaten track hoping that I wouldn't be seen by anyone who knew me or worse still saw my purchase. I know I was blushing when I reached the counter but the guy behind never even looked up from his paper as he rung up the sale. I almost ran from the store and drove part way home pulling over and sitting quiet reading the instructions. It was simple enough to do and I would know, or might know the truth in a few minutes. My hands were shaking and I was sweating. What would I do if the blue line appeared?

Once home I went straight upstairs but then decided to wait until I went to bed if I did the test now and found out I was pregnant I couldn't possibly face my dad. This way I would have all night to come to a decision. Charlie might be a typical absent-minded dad but he was also a cop with a cop's instinct for trouble.

How I got through the next few hours I have no idea. I cooked dinner and pretended to listen to Charlie as he rambled on about his day, thankful he would be going out again later, one of the deputies was off sick with the damn flu that was still floating around town. When he finally left at nine with the usual instruction to lock up after him I was so relieved I almost cried.

I ran upstairs and sat in the bathroom staring at the box and trying hard to pluck up the courage to do the test. My hands were shaking so badly as I took the wand out of the box that I almost dropped it and then did as the phone rang. I considered ignoring it but then thought of it was Charlie or my mom they would only keep on and on until I answered.

It couldn't have been a worse time for my mom to decide she wanted to talk. She had problems of her own, Phil had been chosen for an overseas trip to Japan of all places so they wouldn't be home for Christmas. She was feeling guilty although I had spent most Christmases with her until I moved back to Forks and had already planned on staying here for the festive season.

Actually, it might be a blessing in disguise. If the worst happened, if I found out that I was pregnant, I wouldn't need to worry about lying to my mom, she had the most acute radar for lies where I was concerned. Luckily she was too self-absorbed tonight to worry about my quiet mood, it was all about her.

An hour passed before I could get off the phone and back into the bathroom where the box stood accusingly on the cistern lid. I ran a bath and climbed in after doing the test, hiding the wand under a hand towel to hide the result. I wasn't sure I was ready to know just yet. I lay soaking until the water started to grow cold before forcing myself to climb out and pick up the towel to reveal the plastic wand beneath.

I slumped to the tiled floor staring at the blue line which stood out starkly holding my tummy with the other hand. It felt a little bigger than usual and inside I knew was Jasper's baby. Tears splashed onto my thigh as panic welled up inside me threatening to overwhelm me altogether. Eventually, the cold forced me to my feet and wrapping my robe around me I stumbled downstairs to make coffee and think.

Think! That was easier said than done, all I could think of was the tiny life growing inside me, a new life that Jasper and I had created. A life he knew nothing about and probably never would a life I was now responsible for whether I wanted it or not. That stopped me short, mug halfway to my lips. If? Of course, he new life was my responsibility and something deep inside stirred, I wanted this child, wanted it so much but I had no idea how to accomplish it. I had no idea what to do only that I couldn't stay here, I had to find somewhere safe and I needed help but I had no idea who to ask, the Cullens were gone with no forwarding address. I was all alone in this, it was just me and my baby.

I wrapped the test kit tightly in paper and buried it at the bottom of the trash then took my coffee upstairs to my room. As I did so I wondered if coffee was good for the baby, I would have to do some research but then suddenly I burst out laughing. What was I going to put in the search box, "Tips for vampire pregnancies". I doubted I could go buy a book on the subject either, it would all have to be learning as I went along but I was only one young human girl and I had no idea what to expect or how to plan for the pregnancy the birth or how I could possible look after the newborn. I felt a deep black well of misery and hopelessness welling up and pushed it back down resolutely. I had dated a vampire, lived among them, I could do this and I would do it…...somehow.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

 **Bella**

I checked my bank account, I had a couple of thousand dollars of my own put away for college and I knew my dad had put money by for me too but I could hardly ask him for it now so I would have to do the best I could with what I had. College was now impossible at least in the short time.

I also had transport, my old truck, although it was pretty thirsty. I also had a possible excuse for leaving Forks although it was a weak one. I knew Charlie and Renee rarely talked, messages usually went through me even though they were slightly less hostile towards each other, so if I told my dad that I was going with my mom and Phil to Japan which would be a chance of a lifetime he would probably not bother to check with her to see I was telling the truth. After all, when had I ever lied to him? That question made me feel really bad about the lie I was about to tell but I felt I had no choice, not any longer.

The next morning I broke the news to Charlie and apart from slight misgivings about my missing the last six weeks of school he was OK and never even talked about checking with Renee himself. He even offered to speak to the school Principal for me. I was a grade A student and well capable of catching up upon my return so I doubted he would put up too much opposition. That gave me two more weeks at school and I wondered, could I carry on the pretence for that long?

I managed somehow although I know I seemed very absent minded. My teachers and friends put it down to my trip which suited me fine. In reality, I was wondering if I could really handle this all by myself. A normal pregnancy would have been daunting enough but at least I would have plenty of support and information but I couldn't see any way that I could carry my baby to full term, however long that might be, without going it alone and that thought frankly terrified me.

The only thing I could do was to try tracing the Cullens, it would be mortifying to explain the truth but better than trying the alternative, going it alone.

I went online and found a list of all doctors serving in the United States. It was far too long for me to hunt through so I erased all states in the far south, there would be too much sunlight to allow the family to act normally. I still had a huge number to get through so then I tried general medicine. If only this website had a user-friendly search box but that was obviously asking too much. I had tried searching on google for Dr Carlisle Cullen but there was very little, of course he couldn't afford to be too high profile and those I did find were very old hits so it was down to good old fashioned list scanning.

I found nothing that would help me, Carlisle wasn't showing on any of the lists although I guess I could have missed him as I scrolled through my eyes almost closing of their own accord. I tried Esme too, maybe her Interior Design business would show up, but no such luck, they probably registered any businesses under offshore corporations just for this very purpose, to stay off the radar.

I had one avenue left open to me, I still had Edwards cell phone number in my contacts, I'd never bothered to delete it but he was the last person I wanted to call on for help, especially under these circumstances.

I was driven by desperation in the end, the night before I "left to join Renee and Phil". Charlie took me out to dinner and gave me my Christmas present early, $200,

"I didn't know what to get you Bella so I thought you could use it in Japan. You can change it to yen at the airport if you want. I'm gonna miss you but I can hardly stand in the way of such a trip. You just have a good time and ring when you get back, I'll be sure to meet you at the airport when you fly back up to Seattle. What date are you due?"

This question struck me as funny though Charlie had no idea why,

"Around the 5th I think."

"OK, I wish you'd let me drive you to the airport."

"It's OK dad, my truck needs a service and a friend of Eric's brother promised to do it for free as a favour and keep it in a spare barn he has until I get back. I didn't want to leave it in the drive for a month or more."

I knew Charlie wouldn't question Eric, why should he? Especially as he would have to make a special trip to the Yorkie place which was well out of town and his parents worked in Port Angeles so they were unlikely to bump into each other socially. As far as I could see I had covered all my bases, what I would do later when I should be on my way back home I had no idea but I would worry about that later.

I packed my most roomy clothes and took some old towels along too, Charlie would never miss them, along with my sleeping bag some books, my music and anything else I thought might come in useful. I would have to find some accommodation and well away from other people, this really would have to be private birth. I had downloaded and printed out anything I could find on childbirth and pregnancy although how much good they would prove to be I had no idea.

I didn't even know where I should be heading so I just drove, allowing instinct to lead me. The only thing I was sure of was that at this time of the year finding a solitary place would be easier if I headed for a state park or forest and if the worst happened and I lost my baby I would have privacy to grieve. No! I would not lose the baby, I was young and strong, healthy and determined, I could do this, I would do it….somehow.

I drove roughly south for the next few hours and then hunger forced me to stop at a roadside diner where I forced down some pancakes and a glass of milk but I had only been on the road again a few minutes before I was forced to stop and lost everything I had eaten that day. This was going to be a problem, I needed to keep up my strength but what should I eat? I would have to experiment and hope I struck it lucky sooner rather than later.

By early evening I was exhausted and pulled into the parking lot of a seedy looking motel. Hoping it would be cheap I went and booked a room for the night then called at the fast food outlet door. I tried to think rationally, what would a half vampire baby need to nourish it? One thing came to mind but I pushed it firmly from my thoughts and instead brought some coffee to take out and two hamburgers. Laying on the bed in my tiny room I devoured the burgers and drank the coffee hoping it would all stay down.

Amazingly it did and I slept through the night only waking when I heard the sound of car doors slamming in the parking lot outside my window. I felt better although once more I had that strange dream, floating in the ocean illuminated by a red moon. The thing was that it comforted me, made me feel more peaceful than I had since finding out I was carrying Jasper's child. Perhaps I could do this alone after all. I grabbed my things and hit the road again, still moving roughly south.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

 **Bella**

I drove again the next day but slower, looking for somewhere I could find a place to make home until my little traveller was born. The nickname came spontaneously as I thought about the new life growing within me, I guess it was born in part at least from my flight from Forks, towards the unknown. As every day had passed I had felt a growing connection with my baby and now it helped. I didn't feel quite so alone and I thought I would never feel totally alone ever again but with that came a kind of growing feeling of responsibility, my little traveler needed me to keep him or her safe, to do everything in my power to allow them to grow and to make it into this world safe and healthy and I wasn't sure I could do that.

I stopped earlier today, at another motel and fell onto the bed feeling more exhausted than I had ever done. I must have fallen asleep because it was dark when I woke up, the only light coming through my window that of the sodium lights of the parking lot and the neon sign of a diner across the road. I was famished and thirsty and after rinsing my face and brushing my hair I went across to eat.

I felt better for some coffee and a steak, rare, with salad and baked potato, hoping the bloody center of the meat would help feed my little traveller. The coffee certainly helped reinvigorate me and I collected the road atlas from the truck as I went back to my room.

Spreading it out on the bed I studied it but nothing leapt out at me at first but the longer I studied it the more my attention was drawn to Colorado. It had mountains and forests so presumably vacant lodges and cabins. Surely I could find somewhere there to hide out and I needed time to prepare, there would come a time I couldn't go out for fuel or food, not if I was this exhausted already so I had to find somewhere quickly but how? I could hardly drive through the mountains on the off chance I might come across a sanctuary. I fell asleep still not knowing how I would find a home, just that I must, and soon.

When I got up the next morning I felt terrible, I ached all over and only just made it to the bathroom before being violently sick. When I felt up to it I washed and looking at myself in the mirror I could see that I looked very pale, my eyes looked more sunken than ever and I prayed I wasn't really sick. Maybe it was just baby reminding me he or she was here and growing. My stomach was certainly beginning to become more pronounced, in fact, I was expanding rapidly, was this normal? Thinking about the progression of a normal pregnancy I had a pretty good idea that my little traveller wasn't going to wait another seven months to make an appearance so how long did I have?

I decided to stay another day at the motel, I didn't think I was up to driving, I needed to rest but first I went for a late breakfast, steak again and it occurred to me that perhaps my baby had put on a spurt because of the rare steak I had yesterday. I just hoped I wasn't starving it but I had no idea how to get my hands on some blood, I could hardly go into a hospital and ask for a couple of bags of A positive or steal some! The only other idea that came to mind would be to buy raw meat or offal to eat but the thought of chewing raw liver made me feel queasy again. No, I was definitely going to need to think of another alternative.

I slept most of the day, getting up only to pee and get a coke from the vending machine outside until night began to fall when I went back over to the diner to eat. The waitress gave me a strange look then smiled,

"I hadn't realized you were having a baby, girl, you hid it well yesterday. How far along are you if you don't mind my asking?"

I thought quickly,

"About five months and I'm exhausted already."

The place was quiet so when she brought over my order she joined me and I listened to her story of her own last pregnancy when she was so shattered she could hardly get up in the morning. My doctor told me to avoid caffeine, eat healthy, take walks outside when you can and put your feet up and take naps as often as possible. Great advice for a waitress on minimum wage working ten-hour shifts!"

She had looked pointedly at my coffee and hamburger as she spoke and to please her I asked for milk instead. As for a healthy diet. What was healthy for a half vampire baby? Any ideas gratefully received I thought.

The tiredness was even worse the following day but I had to keep moving, something told me I had to find a nest soon so I could really relax and put my feet up. Driving was uncomfortable and I started to feel sick or need a pee every few miles which wasn't conducive to relaxation at all. I made it to the outskirts of a place called Caspar in Wyoming and knew I would have to stop and rest once more.

My sleep was broken by the noise of traffic and backache which had me tossing and turning. How was I going to manage alone when I was so tired I could hardly put one foot in front of the other let alone drive any distance or stock up for a birth in some out of the way place. It was just over a month to Christmas and the weather was turning colder with the threat of snow to come. I had been mad to think I could do this alone but I had no choice, or did I? But how could I face Edward now? I couldn't lie to him and I wouldn't blame him if he told me to go to hell. Chances were that I wouldn't be able to get through to him anyway. He could have changed his number and he and the family could be anywhere. I knew they travelled the world between the times they settled down somewhere. Wouldn't it be ironic if they were enjoying themselves in Tokyo right now!

No, I would cope, I would manage I was determined and the next morning I forced myself back into the truck gassing up and then drove on until my eyes began to close on their own again. I had only been driving for an hour and a half but I had to stop or risk an accident. Wheatland came into view and I pulled up in a mall parking lot and sat back afraid to close my eyes in case I fell asleep. Instead, I took a walk in the cold fresh air which helped a little then went into a grocery store and stocked up on snacks and drinks but nothing with caffeine in it much as it would have helped me stay awake. I hesitated at the fresh meat counter drawn to the bloody chunks on display and suddenly found myself buying a large steak which I took back to the truck along with my other purchases and stowed on the passenger seat.

I could smell the blood as I drove to a nearby motel and booked a room for the night. Once inside with the door closed and the drapes shut I took the steak out of its wrapper and hesitatingly took a bite. The texture was disgusting making me want to vomit but the blood that trickled down my throat was like nectar and I just knew that my little traveller would be waiting excitedly for it. So, blood was at least part of the answer to how to feed my growing baby but chewing raw meat wasn't the answer because it made me feel ill and there was very little blood in it anyway. I needed blood in much larger quantities and had no idea how I was going to obtain it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

 **Bella**

The next morning I felt even worse, so tired I could hardly drag myself out of bed. My sleep had been disturbed over and over and as a result, I felt suddenly alone and very vulnerable and started to cry in the shower for no particular reason. My hormones were all over the place which I knew was normal in pregnancy. It was a relief to see that something was going according to the book.

Knowing I should get something to eat but unable to force myself to leave my room I tucked into the snacks I had bought the day before and popping a can of Mountain Dew I sat on the bed staring at the road Atlas and trying hard to gather my thoughts. What had drawn me here? What was it that was still drawing me on? I'd read about pregnant women having strange fancies but one that was pulling me across the continent? That seemed a little excessive even for a vampire pregnancy.

Well, I'd gotten almost as far as I could, I needed to find a base before I was too tired to even continue looking. I needed a steady quantity of blood better than my own devices could supply and no idea who to ask for help.

With a heavy sigh, I rested a hand on my swollen belly,

"You know something baby of mine, you are going to force me into doing something I really don't want to do but for you…..I'll make the sacrifice."

I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through the contacts until I reached Edward's name then with a trembling finger I hit dial. As the dial tone changed to a ringtone I found myself oddly relieved. What I would have done if his number had been disconnected I didn't know, I hadn't thought that far ahead.

It rang sure, but then went to voicemail and I felt a wrench as I heard the oh so familiar voice ask me to leave a message. Thinking fast I gabbled out a message sure that I would sound crazy to my ex-boyfriend.

"Edward, I'm so sorry to be contacting you like this but I don't know anyone else and I really need some help. Please ring me as soon as you get this message, I'm desperate."

I waited, wondering how long it would be before I heard back from him and where he was right now. If he had found a new girlfriend he might ignore my message altogether or he could be abroad, too far away to be of any real help. Maybe he would just delete my message, after all, I had been the one to break up with him. I was getting myself all wound up and stopped, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself, All I could do was hope he was close enough to be of help and to pray he would take pity on me.

I was still hungry and if I were going to stay here another night then I needed to call in at the office and pay for it so I dressed and forced myself out the door squinting in the bright light as the sun glistened off the freshly fallen snow. I hadn't even registered that it had been snowing and still was although not heavily. This would complicate things, instead of staying put I would have to move soon or risk getting snowed in. I couldn't have my baby here, it was far too dangerous.

I grabbed a hot meal then went to the nearby store and stocked up on supplies, anything I thought I might need for the next few days, much to the cashier's amusement, and headed back to the motel. I had bought candles, matches, canned goods, fruit juice, powdered milk and fresh meat which I knew wouldn't last long but might feed my little traveller for now at least.

Making sure the gas tank was full I set off once more glancing at my cell phone every few minutes as if willing it to ring. The snow began to fall more heavily, I could see that the road I was driving would be cut off if it continued and I couldn't afford to be stranded out here in the middle of nowhere.

Finally, I saw a sign for a town Kinikinik, 10 miles ahead, and sighed with relief, at least I wasn't going to be stuck out here in a blizzard heavily pregnant and all alone. I was just pulling into yet another motel parking lot when my phone rang and I grabbed it up, praying it wouldn't be Charlie as I answered.

"Bella? It's me, Edward, What's wrong? I was surprised to get your message but worried too, you sound upset."

"Edward? Thank God. I really need your help, I can't explain over the phone but can you meet me?"

I couldn't break the news to him over the phone, not that I was worried he would cut me off, but because I felt he deserved to hear the news face to face.

"Of course, I told you if I could ever help you I would. I can be in Forks in a few days."

"A few days! Oh, I'm not in Forks, I'm in a place called Kinikinik, in Colorado."

"Colorado? What are you doing in Colorado? "

He sounded very puzzled.

I was crying now, partly in relief, partly in shame, and partly from sheer exhaustion.

"Don't cry Bella. I'll get to you as soon as I can, Where are you staying?"

"I don't know, I'm looking for somewhere to stay Edward, somewhere quiet where I can hide."

"Hide? OK, let me think. I went to Colorado with Carlisle years ago. He has a hunting lodge in the mountains but if the weather closes in…."

"Edward please."

"OK, get yourself a motel room and I'll find you, I'll try to be there by morning."

"Edward, is Carlisle there?"

"No, the family are on Isle Esme. In fact you only just caught me, I was due to join them in a few days and we don't bother to take our cell phones, the signal there is so weak it's almost non-existant Why? Are you hurt?"

"No, never mind, please get here as quickly as you can Edward."

"I'm on my way love, just hold on."

Even though I knew I would have a lot of explaining to do I was relieved beyond measure to know I wouldn't be alone for much longer. Having Carlisle here would have been even more wonderful but maybe once Edward understood what was happening he would have some suggestions to make. He might even know a friend of Carlisle's who could give us some help.

With a feeling of relief that I would be no longer alone, I rented a room at the motel and ran myself a deep bath slipping in and relaxing in the warm water wondering suddenly why I hadn't asked Edward to give me Jasper's number.

Perhaps I was concerned that he wouldn't want to know or I would be too scared to admit what a fool I had been that night. I had wanted him as much as he did me but I should have been responsible enough to understand what a risk I was taking. He had every right to expect I would be protecting myself and neither of us had any idea that human vampire sex could produce a pregnancy. No, truth was, I was scared of being rejected by the man I had fallen in love with and would always love even if I never saw him again.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

 **Jasper**

I knew Peter was watching me, he didn't understand why I was still here when there was something bothering me so much. He came in and flung himself down on the couch opposite.

"Why the fuck don't you go grab this girl if she's free now? Afraid she might tell you to go boil your head? Guess that's always a possibility when you don't have my animal magnetism. What do you think Char? Should we go snatch this Bella, stuff her in the trunk of my car and bring her here for The Major?"

Charlotte scowled at him shaking her head,

"Leave it, Peter, The Major will know what to do when the time is right."

"And you know this how exactly? Been gazing into that crystal ball of yours Char? It's like living with a grizzly with a sore fucking paw and it's driving me nuts."

I got up, annoyed but at the same time knowing he was right.

"If you like I'll leave Peter."

"Sit Major and you Peter, shut it or you'll be the one finding somewhere else to live."

Peter looked at her aghast then burst out laughing and it was infectious. Within seconds all three of us were laughing.

"Right, Peter you get off The Major's case and Major you get your head out of your ass and explain what's going on."

You ignored Charlotte at your peril when she used that tone of voice and I tried to pull my thoughts and feelings in some kind of order.

I could hardly explain it myself but something held me here and whatever it was it became stronger recently. I was afraid to chase after Bella, why should she want to see me, even if she and Edward had broken up there was no reason she should want me. Edward hadn't said anything about his break up with Bella, I certainly hadn't been mentioned. Perhaps none of it had anything to do with that night, a night I couldn't forget, a night I knew I would never forget, just as I would never forget Bella but trying to explain all this to a cynical Peter wasn't going to be easy.

"I know how much Bella means to me, although we had only that one night. Something tells me that staying here is the right thing although I can't explain why. I think chasing off to Forks would be wrong."

"Fair enough, so you'll be here for Christmas Major which is great. We haven't had a Christmas together for years and before you start whining Peter, don't. We are going to do the whole festive thing."

"All of it?"

"Yes, Peter, all of it and you will do it with a smile, you too Major. Is that understood? Who knows you might even hear from Bella by then, that would be a great present."

Peter guffawed,

"Yeah Major, you never know what Santa might stuff in your stocking!"

Peter cornered me the next day looking a little nervous and a lot pissed off,

"Major, Charlotte has really gotten her teeth into this idea of a Festive fucking Christmas and it's all your fault. I got away for years not buying her presents but God help me if there isn't something under the tree Christmas morning this year."

"What tree?"

"Exactly, do you have any idea what is involved? It's not like it used to be when we were human, a bit of greenery dragged in, a homemade toy if you were lucky and a roast bird. The world has gone crazy, ten-foot fucking inflatable snowmen, coloured twinkle lights, tinsel, Frank fucking Sinatra singing Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire…..and it's down to us to get it right."

"Well for starters I think you'll find it was Nat King Cole who sang that particular festive song."

He rolled his eyes,

"Who gives a fuck? You get my meaning so you and I have to start thinking about a shopping list."

"Shopping?"

"Yeah, you know, the shops full of humans all spending like crazy, pushing and shoving, loud festive music blaring away threatening to deafen anyone within a mile, fake Santa's ringing little bells and rattling cans under your nose and in the midst of all the chaos…..us. You and me."

He put an arm around me and smiled angelically,

"Think of it as just one more battleground."

Christmas, it had been my favorite time of year as a child even though we didn't have much money. My parents did their best to make it special for me and my four siblings. As a vampire it meant far less, for years I forgot all about it, to Maria it was unimportant and even when I joined the Cullens I never really got into the spirit in the way Esme and Emmett did.

I wondered how Bella would be spending Christmas, probably with her father in Forks. Did she love Christmas? I couldn't remember, I had been away last year, helping Garrett with a spot of trouble he had with a couple of British nomads. I conjured up her face smiling at me and wishing it had been the expression I left her with the last time I saw her but she had looked shocked and saddened and that was the only way I could see her now. Perhaps she had a new boyfriend, possibly one of the boys from school, Mike, Eric or maybe Tyler. If she was involved romantically again please let it not be with the wolf boy Jacob Black.

I pushed such thoughts to the back of my mind before it sent me into depression or made me crazy. Whenever I thought of her I wondered if I was doing the right thing remaining here but every cell in my body screamed for me to stay, to wait although I had no idea what exactly I was waiting for. At least Peter's quest to deliver the perfect Christmas would keep my mind occupied although his idea of perfection and Charlotte's were probably miles apart.

He approached his task as if it were a campaign with lists and research online and in magazines to make sure he knew the very latest must-have items for Christmas this year.

"Don't you think we should keep it simple Peter? There are an awful lot of electronics on your list, the house won't take it all."

"You my friend are thinking too small, the house? I plan on lighting up the whole fucking ranch. Do you think they make flashing harnesses for horses?"

I wasn't sure whether he was serious or joking so I didn't answer him.

"The snow is falling in the mountains, it had better get its ass down here before Christmas Eve or we'll have to deploy the snow machines."

"You've bought a snow machine?"

"I've got three on order, they should be delivered by the end of the week and I don't want Charlotte to see it or it'll ruin the surprise so I'm taking her shopping in Boulder while you take delivery and hide them."

"Why me?"

"Why not? Unless you want to go Christmas shopping with Char that is?"

The thought of being dragged around the stores in town by a determined and driven woman was too much for me.

"I'll stay. Where do you want me to hide them? I mean how big are they? I guess the hayloft would be as good as anywhere."

He grinned and shook his head,

"Too heavy, these are Industrial sized machines. You'll have to move the hay, then put the machines out of sight and re stack the hay around them."

As I had feared Peter was going overboard but knowing him as well as I did I understood there was no stopping him or reining him in, all Charlotte and i could do was to hang on and try to enjoy the ride.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

 **Edward**

I had been stunned to hear Bella's voice when I retrieved my messages, she was the last person I expected to hear from again but she sounded upset, scared even and I rang her back straight away. By the time our conversation ended I was already making arrangements in my head to get to Colorado as fast as I could. I was worried, she must be in serious trouble to contact me and even knowing she didn't love me any longer I still had feelings for her. I would do anything to help, I had made her that promise before leaving Forks and I would stick by it.

I had no way of letting the family know I wouldn't be joining them but they wouldn't be too concerned, they knew I was still upset at losing Bella and would assume I needed more time alone. Bella had asked me if Carlisle was with me and that concerned me, she had insisted she wasn't ill but why else would she want him? The sooner I got to her the better so I used the pilot Carlisle usually favoured and made good time, arriving in the small town of Kinikinik in the early hours of the following morning.

One low light glowed faintly in the motel room Bella had told me she had rented and I recognized the familiar old red truck she drove parked outside. I had been forced to ditch my plan of renting a car at the airport opting instead to run the rest of the way. The snow had been falling here for hours, thick and fast blocking most if not all the mountain roads now so Bella would be stranded, maybe that would be as good as finding somewhere to hide. After all, if she was scared she might be found by someone they couldn't get to her easily and I would protect her.

I stood outside her door suddenly afraid to knock, afraid to see her again, but she had called and asked me for help and I would always help her, the girl who had captured my heart, the girl I was only now beginning to build a life without. As if she had been looking out for me as I lifted my hand to knock the door opened a crack and I heard her voice.

"Come in Edward, you have no idea how glad I am to see you or how terrible I feel at having to involve you in my problem."

I pushed the door open and walked in to see Bella sitting on the bed hugging a pillow to herself and looking terrible. Her face was almost white and there were dark smudges under her eyes. She was crying although she made no sound and I went to her, sitting down beside her and putting an arm around her thin shoulders pulling her close.

"Bella, whatever is frightening you we can sort it out between us. Don't cry love."

She continued to cry for a while then wiped her eyes and pulled away to look into my face.

"Edward, I have something to tell you and I am so sorry because I know it's going to hurt you but please don't leave, I have no idea what to do and you are my only hope."

She was shaking like a leaf and after telling her to take her time and pull her thoughts together I left her just long enough to collect some coffee and a sandwich from the vending machine. She looked as if she hadn't eaten in too long.

As I came back into her room I noticed she had turned the other bedside lamp on and then as she reached for the coffee smiling wanly I noticed her belly and couldn't help staring. So this was her trouble, she was pregnant. So, who and where was the father? I could see she was waiting to see my reaction holding herself tensely.

I waited until she had take a few sips of coffee then took the cup from her and took both her hands in mine surprised at how cold they felt.

"Bella, I told you I would always be here for you if you needed me and I can see it took a lot of courage to contact me, now why don't you tell me what's going on and how I can help."

She took a few deep breaths and swallowed nervously,

"I am so sorry Edward, it wasn't planned, none of this was and I certainly didn't know about….."

She put a hand protectively on her swollen belly,

"I had no idea I was pregnant and when I found out I realized just how much danger…...I mean I knew I had to get away, no one can ever know…...it was far too dangerous for me to stay in Forks…."

She stopped suddenly looking sick with fear, her eyes looking huge in her white face.

Thinking about what she had said so far one thing stuck out, Bella had been pregnant when we broke up so she had been sleeping with someone else while we were dating. That hurt but my own feelings were not important right now, I was confused, why was Forks too dangerous? Just who was the baby's father? I groaned inwardly, please let it not be Jake's, but surely that wouldn't put Bella in danger. Her parents would be upset, annoyed even, but there was nothing about carrying Jake's baby that could be construed as dangerous, surely?

I could see she was finding it difficult to organize her thoughts, to vocalize everything that had happened so I tried to make it easier for her.

"Bella, why are you so scared? Has someone threatened you?"

She shook her head.

What I really wanted to do was to ask who the father was but I could see she wasn't quite ready for that question yet.

"Do your parents know about the baby?"

"No, no one knows. I couldn't let them find out or they would have taken me to a doctor."

Well yes, that would be the logical thing to do I thought and then something struck me,

"Do you think they would have put pressure on you to terminate the pregnancy? Or, Oh God Bella, were you attacked? You could have told me, who was it?"

The last thing I expected was for her to smile but she did, shaking her head at the same time.

"No and no. If I tell you something, something that is going to hurt you a lot will you promise not to just walk out and leave me? Please Edward. If you go then I have no one I can turn to, no one who can help me."

I was lost, I hadn't the faintest what was going on, could it be Jake? That would hurt me yes but I wouldn't walk out on her, not in this state, not after my promise. I might take him to one side later and beat the crap out of him for letting Bella become such a wreck but I would never leave her.

"Of course I'll stay whatever you tell me I promise I won't leave you to face whatever comes alone."

She began to cry again and I did the only thing I could, I lifted her into my arms smelling the familiar scent of her blood and the strawberry shampoo she always used and held her close wishing once again that I could read her mind, that I could see just what terrible secret she was preparing to tell me but as always she was closed to my gift. As I held her I thought back to those last few months together, I had known she was unhappy but I couldn't change the way I acted even though I knew I was driving her away. Bella was a free spirit and trying to cage her was my mistake, one I could never put right.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

 **Bella**

I wanted to stay here like this forever, I finally felt safe for the first time since finding out I was carrying Jasper's baby but now I had to find the courage to tell Edward the truth. He had promised not to leave but in all honesty, I wouldn't be able to blame him. Finally, I stopped crying, I guess I had no more tears left and pulled myself upright but Edward kept his arm around me and smiled gently.

"Come on Bella, you'll feel much better when you get this terrible secret off your chest and I'm not going anywhere."

In a voice little louder than a whisper I explained exactly what had happened and felt him stiffen when I mentioned Jasper's name but he didn't drop his arm from around me.

"I see, well that explains a lot, especially why you are so scared. I'm amazed you got as far as you did, you must have been terrified and feeling so isolated. Now I know why you didn't want your parents to know."

I thought I heard a tiny chuckle,

"You know Bella, the funny thing is that I was worried you were going to tell me that Jacob Black was the baby's father. I'm not sure I could have taken that."

"I'm sorry Edward, we never planned it, I don't really know what happened. I was so upset, so confused and then there he was. I felt so awful I couldn't tell you but I knew you and I weren't going to work and that's why I broke up with you, it would have been unfair to you to do anything else."

He hugged me,

"I understand, I don't like it but I do understand and now I'm even more amazed that you contacted me but I will help you. Although I must tell you, Bella, I have no idea what to do. I've never delivered a baby."

I giggled,

"Actually there's something more urgent I need to ask you to do."

"Ok, fire."

"Blood. I think my little traveller needs blood. I tried eating raw meat but it makes me feel sick, the texture and there's not enough blood in it anyway. I have no idea how to get my hands on fresh blood."

 **Edward**

I was aghast, Bella had been forcing down raw chunks of meat in an attempt to keep her baby fed? Well, I was a vampire so it should be easy for me to obtain blood for her but there was one thing I had to ask her,

"I take it we are talking animal blood?"

"I don't know, this is all new to me Edward, I really hope so and I don't want to rush you but I am so weak. The only thing I can think is that baby is taking all the nutrients from my own blood and we're both starving."

 **Bella**

Edward told me to rest while he went to forage but as he left I began to panic. What if he didn't come back? What if he contacted my parents? No, he wouldn't do that I trusted him but I couldn't understand why he was so happy to help, I not sure I would have been if the tables had been turned. I didn't think I would be able to rest but I actually fell asleep, only waking by the sound of the door opening and there stood Edward covered in a light dusting of snow and holding in his hand a small deer, its neck obviously snapped.

"Oh! I'm not sure I can manage it like that, I was hoping you might just bring the blood, not the whole…"

He grimaced,

"That's not quite as easy as it sounds but let me see if I can drain some for you. The trouble is that it tends to coagul….."

I held up a hand,

"Too much information Edward, do you want me to throw up?"

He moved hastily into the bathroom and I sighed with relief although the scent of fresh blood that wafted out had my mouth watering and baby turning cartwheels!

I almost snatched the plastic cup he held out to me and drained it straight down holding it out for a refill.

"Take it slowly Bella or you might bring it all back up again. Do you feel any better?"

I nodded shooing him away eager for more although I took the second cup more slowly.

Then he went out insisting I needed to eat too and this time the smell of fried chicken and fries didn't make me heave and by the time I finished I felt the best I had in days. I sat back against the headboard of the bed hugging the pillow partly to hide my ever growing baby bump but Edward pulled it out of my lap and joined me pulling my head down on his shoulder.

"You know you can't stay here much longer don't you?"

"Yes."

"So, I know Carlisle used a hunting lodge in the mountains close by but that was years ago, it might be derelict now. I thought I'd go check it out. If it still has four walls and a waterproof roof I can make it warm and cozy for you but it means leaving you here alone for a day at least. Will you be OK?"

I nodded,

"So long as you leave me some blood, baby is hungry again. I don't think the animal blood is good enough but I don't want you killing anyone. Can you get some blood from a clinic or somewhere?"

He sighed and I felt the old familiar kiss on the top of my head.

"Let me see what I can do. Can I ask you something, Bella?"

"Of course you can."

"When are you going to tell Jasper?"

I froze.

"I…..I…..he might not want to know and I have no idea how to contact him anyway. This is my problem, well not problem, it's my responsibility and I don't want him to think he has to take the baby or me on. It was a single night of madness."

"I doubt that very much but you think about it while I get your nest sorted and we'll talk about it again once you are safe and settled."

This time I felt less alone when he left and as I lay down feeling I could really sleep for a while Edwards question went round and round in my head.

"When are you going to tell Jasper?"

It was a question I had pondered more and more the last few weeks. I had no idea where he was or if he would be interested in a baby. As far as I was aware vampires didn't have babies and I was pretty sure he hadn't intended developing a permanent relationship with me. He had left without a forwarding address or even a phone number. I would talk to Edward again but unless he insisted I didn't want to force Jasper into anything although I could hardly expect Edward to become a permanent fixture either, he was my ex not my boyfriend and much as I liked him and was grateful for his help he wasn't the baby's father and needed to find his own mate not hang around with his ex and her fatherless baby!

As I slept I dreamed that old familiar dream but this time I understood. This was my little traveller communicating with me, floating in my womb lit only by the glow of my blood. I wondered if baby was a boy who would grow up strong and handsome like his daddy or a little girl. If it was the latter I prayed she would have her daddy's blond hair and beautiful smile. I even wondered how Jasper would react if one day a tall and beautiful teenager were to approach him and tell him the truth. I stopped, that was getting too far ahead, I wasn't even sure I could carry this baby to full term or deliver it safely and if I did would I survive? There were just so many unknowns and beginning to scare myself I jolted awake shivering and feeling sick once more. Baby shifted slightly and I put a hand on my belly smoothing it,

"Don't worry little one, we'll get through this and Uncle Edward will help. He'll be back soon with something for you. have patience."

When he came back he had two carriers and four blood bags with him from the hospital and took three through to the bathroom to put in cold water.

"They should be good for a while, hopefully till I get back. Stay inside, keep warm and rest, you've got my number, any problems you call me. I bought you some food drinks and coffee and make sure you eat and keep hydrated. I wish I could contact Carlisle for some advice."

I grabbed his hand and thanked him,

"We'll cope somehow."

"I hope so. You think about my question while I'm gone but let me just tell you something. If I were Jasper, I'd want to know, think about it, Bella."

He kissed the top of my head in farewell and left.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

 **Edward**

It was snowing hard when I left Bella which made it even more critical that I get the old hunting lodge habitable provided it still stood. The thought of Bella and I alone in the middle of nowhere with a baby due and not just any baby but a hybrid was pretty scary but I wouldn't let her down. I would read a couple of books I had purchased on childbirth when I went to get Bella some hot food and hopefully, it would give me some idea what to do although if there were any complications and God knew there was plenty of scope for that, I would just have to do my best.

The strange thing was that in a way I was pleased that Bella had contacted me, pleased that I would be the one supporting her through this and not Carlisle. Although she would undoubtedly be safer in his hands I wanted this time with her. All I could think was that if I had understood Bella's needs better then maybe it would be my baby she was carrying, we might even be married. I knew my opinions were old fashioned, I should have listened to my heart not my head maybe.

Was I bitter? Sure, how could I be anything else although I didn't hate Bella or even Jasper totally for what happened. I felt strongly that there must be a strong bond between the two of them Jasper wouldn't have slept with Bella for fun or to hurt me and I had a pretty good idea that the two of them would end up as a couple. Of course, he had no idea what a mess he had left behind for Bella, maybe the mating pull, and I was sure they would be, or were, mated, was being hidden by the same strange force that stopped me from hearing Bella's thoughts.

Where was my "brother" right now? I knew I would have to find him. However scared and responsible for things Bella felt at the moment she would eventually recognize that he not only had a right to know but that she would want him to. I knew he would stand by her and not from any old-fashioned sense of guilt but because he loved her. But if I were wrong, if he did turn his back on her and his child then I would stay with Bella and help her all I could, provided she would let me.

When I found the lodge I was relieved to see that it was still standing and looked weather tight and was unoccupied. I had wondered what I would do if I found someone already using it, find another I guess but time was of the essence. There was a track still accessible halfway to the lodge and I could carry Bella the rest of the way if the snow drifts were too deep. The door wasn't locked, they never were up here in the mountains and inside it was dry and sheltered from the wind but bitterly cold. Out back was the log store although there weren't many logs left and of course, the place had no running water, just a well outside and no toilet facilities. I wondered how Bella would feel about a bucket in the back porch!

With some blankets, food, and a roaring fire it would be acceptable and no one was likely to bother us. The old mattress on the huge bed felt damp and I decided it would be better to make up sleeping quarters in front of the huge fireplace, easier to keep Bella warm and keep an eye on her. So, at least two more trips up here to supply the place for a siege! Then I could bring Bella up here while the fire warmed and aired the place. I realized leaving a fire unattended was risky but it couldn't be helped.

I had no idea how long we would be up here, how long was the gestation period for a hybrid? Bella certainly looked big, I wasn't sure she had long to go and she had told me that once she began to show it seemed she got bigger every day.

"I don't think my little traveller is going to be waiting the full nine months Edward. I'd say I have maybe three or four weeks left and then there will be a new life in my arms."

Her eyes had shone with that last sentence and I could see she had already formed a bond with the life growing inside her. Absentmindedly she would stroke her huge belly when she spoke of the child as if comforting it and I wondered if it was aware of her emotions, the love she felt for it. Envy vied with the bitterness when I thought about that and I tried to push both to the back of my mind as I picked up supplies in the town.

The guy in the sporting goods store chuckled when he saw the huge heap of things I had chosen.

"Wrong time of year to be going camping in these here mountains young man, you'd freeze to death the first night."

"Oh, I don't plan on using them now. I have a friend who's crazy about hiking and camping. Most of this is for him."

He looked at me wide-eyed,

"You must really like this friend, that little lot is gonna cost you a couple a thousand dollars minimum. Those sleeping bags are mighty expensive for starters."

"That's OK. I'll be borrowing them often enough so I'll get my monies worth out of them. Are the camping meals any good?"

I picked up one of the instant heat packs,

"I haven't tried them myself but from what I hear they taste like crap but keep you warm and the wolf from the door."

I was sure Bella would be delighted by that news, I hoped to get a supply of real food in too but these were incase of emergencies, I was trying to cover all eventualities and times like this I really wished I'd been a boy scout when I was young and human!

It actually took me three trips to the hunting lodge, loaded down with supplies for Bella and a third when I remembered she would need a supply of blood for the baby. Would this baby drink human formula when it was born or blood? While I could steal enough to keep Bella supplied for the next couple of weeks, it would store fine outside in the snow I couldn't steal that much. Maybe Bella could introduce Junior Swan to animal blood from the beginning if he or she needed blood to feed their hunger. If not then I guess I would just have to leave her to forage further afield. I didn't like that idea much but then maybe the baby's father would be with us by then. That was another thing on my to-do list, track down Jasper although I doubted he would be too keen to accept calls from me, I knew he would be feeling guilty about Bella and would probably think I was trying to track him down because I discovered the truth and I guess in a way that was true.

By the time I finally got back to Bella at the motel there were blizzard conditions and it was the middle of the night so we decided to wait until morning to try for the lodge when hopefully the weather would be better. She still looked tired and the dark smudges under her eyes made her look ill but she managed a smile for me and once I had showered and changed my clothes I went to sit beside the bed but she patted the place beside her.

"Would you mind? I'm feeling a little lost and scared right now. You were gone so long."

I smiled and took my old place beside her wrapping an arm around her as she leant against me.

"Thank you, Edward, for everything."

Her voice was only a whisper and within seconds she was fast asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

 **Bella**

When I woke I was confused, where was I? Who was here with me? Jasper? Could it be that he had discovered I was pregnant and had found me? Then I heard Edward's voice and remembered everything. I suddenly felt very sad and thinking about Edward's earlier question again I realized that it would be unfair to keep the news from Jasper even if he then decided he wanted nothing to do with me or his child.

Edward waited patiently while I struggled to shower in the tub, my huge belly making me clumsier than ever, then towel dried my hair and dressed in the new warm clothes he had purchased for me. I couldn't help a wry grin as I read the size, XL in the sweater and found it was only just big enough to stretch over my bump!

I hadn't realized how bad the weather was but when Edward pulled back the drapes I could see that the parking lot was under several inches of snow although there were signs it had been cleared at least once already and the snow was still falling.

"Are we going to make it to the lodge?"

"Of course Bella, you forget you're with Superman now."

I laughed as Edward mimicked a Superman pose and it felt good as if a terrible weight had been lifted from my shoulders although I was under no illusions that things were going to be OK now.

"We'll take your truck as close as we can then I'll help you the rest of the way. Once you are settled I'll go back for the truck and hide it in an old barn I found. No one is going to stumble across it anytime soon. The forecast is for more blizzards by this evening and for the rest of the week. We'd better move soon before it hits."

"I'm ready."

"First you should get something hot to eat, in the meantime, I'll gas up the truck and get a couple of things I forgot last night. By the way, where does your father think you are?"

"In Japan with Renee and Phil until early January. After that I really don't know, I can't think any further ahead."

"I'm sure we'll come up with something but for now let's concentrate on getting you to your new home."

I shivered as we walked across to the diner, not so much from the cold as from the thought of going into the mountains in this weather. If Edward had not come to help me I doubted I could have found the strength or courage to go any further. He saw me seated, checked I had ordered and then left, promising to be back soon.

"You're real lucky my dear, such an attentive husband. It's nice to see that these days, men just don't seem to care like they did. I bet he's really excited about that baby. Here you are."

I smiled not wanting to try explaining that Edward was not, in fact, my husband or the baby's father so I hid my left hand until she left.

The food smelled good and I tucked in wondering just what supplies Edward had bought for me. I had finished the supply of blood he had left and baby was content. I thought he or she might be sleeping because the internal gymnastics had stopped a little while ago. I began thinking about THAT question again and understood that I wanted to see Jasper again, to feel his strong arms around me, his cool lips on mine, and wondered if that would ever happen. I was sure Edward could find out where Jasper was right now but despite my longing, I was still afraid of being rejected. Maybe I would talk to Edward about it later, once I was settled in the hunting lodge, we'd see.

The drive up the mountain was a nightmare, the forecast blizzard came early and I knew if I'd been driving we would have crashed by now but Edward used all his vampire senses and stayed safely on the road until finally the snowdrifts became too deep for my poor old truck and he pulled up turning to me with a smile.

"That's it for the comfortable warm ride, from here on I'm afraid we'll have to go on foot or I can carry you."

"Let's see how deep it is first."

The snow proved too deep for me, I didn't have the energy or balance and almost fell after the first few tentative steps so Edward swept me up into his arms and I put mine around his neck trying to hide my face from the worst of the snow that was whipped into a frenzy by the strong wind.

It didn't take long to get to the lodge but even with the thick clothes Edward had bought me I was still chilled to the bone. The heat from the fire was a welcome surprise as he put me down beside it and I struggled out of the thickly padded jacket and fur lined boots. I couldn't see my feet now and wriggled out of them with difficulty then sat down on the couch stretching out my numb fingers to warm them.

"I'll make you a hot drink then go move the truck, will you be OK alone for a little while? There are plenty of logs here and the kitchen cupboards are full. Take a look around, it won't take long."

I looked around, he was right there were only three doors leading off this room. One led to a tiny kitchen, the second an equally tiny bedroom and the third led outside.

"It's wonderful and don't worry, I'll be fine."

"There is just one thing Bella…...no bathroom. I put a bucket in the small lean-to porch leading off the kitchen, I'm afraid that's the best I could do, you can't use the makeshift outhouse in this weather."

I blushed but then shrugged,

"I'll manage. It could be worse."

I would miss having a shower or soak in the tub but getting in and out was becoming increasingly difficult these days anyway.

Once he had left I checked out the kitchen and found just as he had said the cupboards were full to overflowing with packets and cans, I certainly wouldn't starve that was for sure. I opened a can of chicken soup and put it in a small fire blackened pan then seeing that he had forgotten to put the gas on I balanced it in the log fire to heat up and used my makeshift facilities glancing out of the porch window and shivering when all I could see were white swirling snowflakes.

The bedroom contained a heap of blankets, boxes and sleeping bags and a small pile of books. I picked up the top one reading the familiar title Withering Heights and smiled taking it back to the fire and starting to read the comfortingly familiar story as I spooned the steaming soup from the pan directly into my mouth. I was too comfortable and weary to go find a bowl and used the spoon I had used to stir the warming liquid.

It wasn't long before I started to doze and throwing another log on the fire I pulled a blanket over me and was soon fast asleep. I dreamed as I always did, of floating in the warm ocean, the red moon above me but this time I felt another presence close by and knew it was my baby. No words were exchanged, they weren't necessary, we could feel each other's emotions as if they were shared. A deep fulfilling love wrapped itself around us and we slept together peacefully.

When I woke it was dark except for the flames of the fire and I lit the old oil lamp Edward had left primed for me on the little wooden table by the side of the couch. The room looked homely and comforting and I felt my baby shift position now pressing on my bladder and bracing myself for the change in temperature I made my way once more to the porch with its lidded bucket relieved Edward wasn't here as I peed.

I wondered what the change in my dream had meant, was baby almost ready to face the world? Was that why we felt so much closer? The idea excited me and I tried to envisage my child in my mind. Would it be fair or dark? Would it have my brown eyes or….I stopped, realizing I had no idea what color Jasper's eyes had been when he was a human but maybe I would find out when I saw our baby's face for the first time. Or perhaps they would be golden or even red, colored by the human blood I had been drinking. That thought made me feel suddenly thirsty but I hadn't seen any blood bags in the kitchen and realized Edward must have stored them outside somewhere. I would have to wait until he got back to feed my baby's craving.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

 **Charlotte**

I was beginning to wish I hadn't made such a thing about having a special Christmas after seeing the maniacal gleam in Peter's eye but trying to rein him in was akin to attempting to stop the tide. All I could do was to let him get on with it and hope that he would take The Major's mind off the girl for a while. Something told me we hadn't heard the last of her and I wondered if just maybe she was his mate. That would be wonderful, he'd been alone for so long and we weren't meant to be alone, not even as vampires.

Peter found an old sketch pad and sat at the table scribbling madly but when I approached to see what he was doing he turned it over and wagged an admonishing finger at me.

"No, no. This is going to be a surprise for you, Charlotte. Just sit back and relax, leave it all to The Major and me. We'll be needing the truck in the morning, I have some things to pick up in town."

"What things? Peter, please don't go mad. I only meant that it would be nice to have a traditional Christmas seeing as we have a guest."

"What guest? You mean The Major? He's a part of the family, not a guest. Anyway, you can rely on me to sort it all out."

That was what worried me but I knew better than to say that in Peter's hearing. He could get very sensitive if he thought I doubted his ability in anything. I just hoped he wouldn't go too far overboard.

"Fine, but don't forget to pick up the feed for the horses."

"I won't but it might mean an extra trip, we could take the car and the truck I guess. You won't need it will you Char?"

"No, you take both. Oh, Peter, please don't go overboard with presents. I really can't think of anything I need."

He frowned,

"Need? A present shouldn't be something you need but something you want. Leave it with me, Char, you're really uptight, you need to relax. Why don't you ring your crazy friend Stephanie, get away for the weekend, have some fun, it'll give us a chance to get everything set up."

"Set up? I thought you were just going to decorate, put up a few lights, some tinsel. Maybe a tree?"

He nodded absently, his mind was back on whatever he was planning but I decided to take him up on the girls weekend. I could hope that The Major would be able to damp his enthusiasm a little. I would mention it to him anyway.

I found him down at the paddock sitting on the top rail gazing at the horses. Jumping up I joined him,

"Penny for them?"

He smiled at my question,

"I'm not sure they are worth that much. I've got this weird feeling Char like you get before a storm. It's as if there's something out there, something powerful and it will affect me. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes, it does. Maybe this Christmas you'll get what you've always wanted."

"Oh, and what's that?"

"I think you know Major but we'll just have to wait and see. I actually wanted to ask you a favour."

He shook his head chuckling,

"If you are going to ask me to keep Peter on the planet forget it. You are a week too late but I will try to stop him leaving orbit."

"Thank you. I can go away for the weekend without worrying so much."

"Can I come with you?"

"Sorry, girls only and I'm sure you'll have fun anyway."

 **Jasper**

All I could do was to hope this feeling boded well for me and in the meantime, I would try to talk Peter out of renting eight or nine real reindeer and painting Rudolph's nose with luminous paint! The snow machines were safely stowed behind the bales and the rest of the things Peter had bought were stored in the barn he had rented the other end of town. Even I didn't know the full extent of his purchases but I could imagine!

He had told me he was going to suggest Charlotte have a weekend away with her best friend so we would have the freedom to decorate the house as a surprise for her.

"It's been ages since she and Stephanie got together and if she doesn't go then she's gonna want to invite Stephanie to visit and that girl is almost as crazy as me!"

I could imagine the chaos two such strong and manic personalities clashing could cause!

Living with Peter was certainly never boring and planning Christmas for Charlotte gave him the opportunity to give his imagination full rein, unfortunately, he saw me as an ally when all I really wanted to do was to sit quietly and think about Bella. I wondered what she was doing now if she had a new someone special in her life. The thought that she might was painful to me and I decided to immerse myself in Peter's madness as a way of keeping my thoughts from it.

Charlotte hitched a ride with me into town, her friend was keen to start their weekend as quickly as possible. Peter wasn't often happy to be left so I guess she thought she would get Charlotte away before he changed his mind! Then I drove to the barn where Peter was carrying boxes of all shapes and sizes out into the snow and piling them in the back of the truck.

"Shouldn't we put what we can in the car? You'll need space for the feed in the back of the truck."

"Nope! We'll need all the space. I'll make a second trip for the feed. Come on give me a hand."

Very few boxes gave any indications as to their contents but I was sure everything would be revealed very soon. Both car and truck were filled to capacity by the time the barn was empty and as soon as the truck was unloaded I offered to go back to pick up the feed. The snow was getting deeper fast and I worried if we didn't get back to town fast we wouldn't be able to get there at all. Of course, Peter or I could carry the feedback on foot but that might raise more than a few eyebrows!

By the time I got back I could hardly get through the door for empty boxes and packaging.

"Good, you're back. Give me a hand to get these lights up will you."

We spent the next hour putting outdoor lights all over the house, some flashed, others spelt out seasonal greetings, very tasteful, except for the four foot Santa on the roof who appeared to be peeing down the chimney!

Things didn't get much better on the ground, he must have bought every possible inflatable character on the market and the biggest of each of course. We had reindeer, Santa's, snowmen, a train, a sleigh, stars, snowflakes, the glow was blinding! I could only imagine what he'd purchased to decorate inside but I was tasked with finding a tree,

"At least twelve foot. Nothing shorter, and fat, plenty of branches. Oh, yeah, holly too, lots of it."

I rolled my eyes and went off relieved to be out of the chaos for a while.

Of course, I was wondering just how I was going to get this giant tree and a ton of holly back in ten-foot drifts. Deciding to take my time I found a spot under some trees with a thick canopy and sat down. I had wondered whether to send Bella a card with a note asking how she was doing and explaining I had heard she and Edward had broken up but decided it probably wouldn't be appropriate. She no doubt blamed me for the split, or at least she should, shouldn't she?

I had drifted into a reverie, how long for I didn't know but by the time I had chosen and cut a tree and foraged some holly I found my way back illuminated by the glow from the house which cut through the darkness of the night turning the falling snow different colors. If we were over a flight path I'm convinced we would have planes mistaking the house for an airport runway!

 **Merry Christmas to all our readers who celebrate the occasion and Festive goodwill to all the others. Love Jules and Kat XX**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

 **Edward**

Bella was pleased to see me when I got back and I soon found out why she was thirsty for blood and I had forgotten to leave her any in the lodge so I went out and retrieved three bags defrosting two in front of the fire and hoping it wouldn't taint it too much. She drank down the first one without taking a breath but the second she sipped more slowly. Seeing the way I was looking at her she smiled self-consciously.

"Sorry, but baby was starving. I fed myself so I feel really sorry that my little one had to wait. Is it still snowing?"

"Oh yes, heavier than ever, I think we only just moved in time. You wouldn't be able to move out there now."

She heaved herself to her feet slowly and clumsily rubbing her back and smiling,

"I can hardly move in here, let alone out there."

I waited as she went through to the back porch and then back again and made herself comfortable, feet up, blanket over her legs. Only then did I broach the subject of contacting Jasper once more.

"Bella, I was wondering if you had given any more thought to contacting Jasper?"

She sighed staring into the fire and nibbling her lip nervously.

"Yes, I have and I know you're right but I have no idea where he is. Do you?"

"Not exactly but I can find out….if you want me to."

"Do you think I should wait until the baby comes? I mean what if things go wrong?"

"Let me tell you how I would feel if the baby were mine and then you can make your own decision. I would want to know that I had a baby on the way but more than that I would want to be there for the mother and the baby. I would want to see my baby enter the world, to hold its little body in my hands still warm and bloody from its journey into the world. Does that sound strange to you?"

 **Bella**

I was shocked to hear such words coming from Edward, he sounded regretful too and I understood that he regretted that I wasn't carrying his child. Would he really have felt like that? Would Jasper? And if so did I have the right to deny him that moment?

"I don't think this baby is going to wait much longer Edward. Do you think you can find Jasper in time?"

"I don't know but I'll certainly try. How much do you want him to know? I think maybe you should be the one to give him the news that he's about to become a father but it's going to be a close run thing. I'm convinced you are getting bigger by the hour!"

"I agree but I think that's something to do with the blood you've been supplying me with. Baby is using all the energy from the blood to grow."

"I guess you might be right. Maybe I had better start my search right away."

I nodded and shifted trying to find a comfortable position and he sat on the floor leaning against the couch and took my swollen feet in his cool hands rubbing them gently until I began to doze, vaguely aware he had taken out his cell phone and was talking to someone.

 **Edward**

I wasn't having much luck in tracking down Jasper. For one thing, his phone was switched off and his voice mail full. He sometimes did that, went off on his own and left his cell phone switched off in the bottom of his bag. Unfortunately, this was one of those times, it could be weeks before he checked for messages and Bella didn't have weeks, she may not even have days!

Garrett hadn't heard from him in a long time but he did suggest I contact the Whitlocks.

"Chances are Peter will know where he is or where he might be."

That was great but Garrett didn't have a contact phone number for the Whitlock's.

"I know they bought a ranch just outside Boulder, though. You could try that."

Boulder! Now was it a sheer coincidence that Bella had come in this direction or was there something else at work? Maybe she had been drawn towards Colorado because Jasper was here or had been. I would have to leave Bella and search for the Whitlock ranch which disturbed me as I was worried she might go into labour at any time but there was no alternative and I really wanted Jasper to be with her as soon as possible. Of course, he might not even be there but maybe Peter would know where I might find him.

When Bella woke up she complained of a backache and of being thirsty so I got her a blood bag and then made coffee and sandwiches for her and as she ate I explained what I planned to do.

"I don't like leaving you but I don't see any other way of finding Jazz."

"I understand and thank you. I'll be fine as long as you leave some blood handy. I'm so tired I don't think I'll get up unless I need to use the….bathroom."

We both grinned at that, it was hardly the Ritz!

"I'll feel a lot better knowing that and don't worry, if he's at the Whitlock ranch I'll bring him back with me."

"Thank you, Edward, I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you for all this."

I could see tears in her eyes and as one trickled down her cheek I wiped it away with a finger.

"Don't cry Bella, just rest. You have this baby safely and that will be all the thanks I need. Now, I'm going to get you some blood bags and then go. The sooner I find Jazz the sooner I'll be back."

As I left Bella waved from the window but within a couple of paces I lost sight of the lodge altogether. The snow drifts were about three foot deep around it and the snow was still falling thickly as I turned and began to run. How I would find the ranch I had no idea but find it I would if I had to knock on every door I came across. With luck, I would find Jazz and be back in a matter of hours.

As I approached the outskirts of the city I found a feed store still open and decided to try there. Garrett had said the Whitlock's had a horse ranch so maybe they bought their feed here if not then the owner would surely know the address of any other businesses nearby. I was in luck, Peter Whitlock was one of his customers and his friend had picked up a supply of feed only the day before. I had my fingers crossed that the "friend" would turn out to be Jazz as the guy gave me directions to the Whitlock ranch.

"You might not get through, though, the roads were closing last night and it's too far to walk. You want their phone number too?"

I took it eagerly and once outside dialled it but the line was dead. The snow had probably brought some of the lines down, just my luck! Turning I pulled up my coat collar and set off in the direction the guy had indicated.

I couldn't run very fast, the snow was just too deep once I left the highway but I kept up a steady pace as the snow continued to fall. I was within a mile of the ranch when I saw a glow in the sky up ahead. What the heck was all that about? Surely the ranch wasn't on fire? Nope, no smell of smoke and no crackle of flames. Then I thought maybe I understood, it was almost Christmas, in fact, if I got my timeline correct tonight would be Christmas Eve. The glow up ahead could be lights but who would put up so many that they caused a glow as bright as that? I'd seen some houses where the owners had gone over the top but this was something else entirely!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

 **Jasper**

I couldn't wait to see Charlotte's face when she got back. If I'd thought Peter had gone nuts decorating the exterior it was nothing compared to the interior which was looking like a cross between the North Pole and a Christmas Supplies Exhibition! He had stuck fake snow to the handrail of the stairs and placed elves at various stages to appear as if they were sliding down, put striped socks and elves shoes complete with brass buckles and bells on the toes on the chair and table legs, dressed the refrigerator to look like a snowman, hung so many decorations from the ceiling that it had disappeared completely, and it went on and on…..

He approved of the tree for which I was thankful, I did not relish being sent back out to get a larger one, and then proceeded to hide it beneath tons of baubles, coloured twinkle lights, tinsel, candy canes and strings of popcorn.

"Hey, what do you think of this?"

He switched on the lights and I heard a cacophony of sound before he hastily switched them back off swearing under his breath.

"Fuck it, I need to coordinate the lights so they all play the same Christmas tune at the same time. Neat though eh? Charlotte is gonna love them."

I wasn't quite as persuaded as Peter but her reaction, when she got back, would certainly be worth seeing!

"Oh yeah, try this out, I love it, couldn't resist getting one."

I looked at the six foot Santa standing in the hall by the front door, one hand extended as if ready to greet any new arrivals.

"Of course I had it blown up, the original was just too small."

"Right."

He nudged me, "Shake his hand."

"What?"

"Go on, it's hilarious!"

I took the outstretched hand gingerly, I wouldn't have put it past Peter to have electrified the damn thing but instead, it let out an enormous fart and Peter cracked up laughing so hard I thought he was going to choke. I had to admit it made me smile but I wasn't sure Charlotte would see it in quite the same light.

She rang to warn us she was bringing Stephanie back with her for Christmas and saw Peter's face fall. Then he cheered up,

"Actually that will be good, she's crazy like me, we can hold sleigh competitions, did you see them in the barn? I wanted them decorated with glitter but the shop said they only came in plain red paint so that's our next job."

As we went back outside I pointed out that the snow machines were going to be superfluous to requirements but he just shook his head.

"They aren't for outside."

"You set them going in the house and Charlotte will murder you. She only just bought that new rug and drapes."

"No sweat, the guy said the snow will sweep up and doesn't stick to anything. Now come on, if she's coming back tomorrow we need to get everything finished by then. Tell you what, I'll sort out the musical lights, you spray the sleighs with that glitter shit."

Deciding it would be far easier to keep my mouth shut and do as he said I continued to the barn while he went back inside whistling Jingle Bells.

Deciding to check on the horses first now they were stabled I headed there but stopped dead just inside the door. Peter, it would seem had been busy here too. Strings of twinkle lights flashed different colors while each stall had a stuffed reindeer sitting atop its half door and the horses were wearing fake antlers or at least I think they had been but only one, Charlotte's placid little mare, was still sporting them. The stallions had destroyed theirs and one, Midnight, looked like he had attempted to eat his! I shook my head and left them to their hay bales.

Having accomplished my task in the barn I rejoined Peter who had finally, but not without some serious loss of temper if his expression were to be believed, synchronized the musical lights.

"Right, now we can hunt, I'm so thirsty I could drain a cheerleading squad!"

"I think I'll pass on that if you don't mind but you go ahead."

"You sure? There aren't gonna be many bunnies or squirrels out in that."

He pointed to the window where all that was visible was snow driven against the panes by the gusting wind.

"I'll manage but thanks for your concern."

He made a rude gesture and shrugging into his padded jacket, it was always as well not to stand out as different around humans, went out into the snow which swirled around him blowing into the hall before he could slam the door.

He was right of course, I wouldn't find many animals out in this but the thought of following him as he hunted did not enthrall me. I no longer craved human blood but that didn't mean I wouldn't still be enticed by its scent. I didn't need to bother with a jacket, no one would see me in the forest on a night like this unless they were crazy or suicidal and neither had much hope of being believed if they told a tale of a man out in the snow in shirt sleeves miles from the nearest habitation.

I was gone several hours but found a mountain lion also out looking for a meal and got back to find Peter had beaten me. I could see the gleam of excitement in his eyes,

"Char's on her way back, she's gonna be knocked out by all this. Do you think we should turn the lights on now or wait until they come in sight of the house?"

"Depends whether you want to see her expression I guess."

"Yeah, that's a point, good thinking. I'll wait until they get to the yard and then BANG! Turn on everything at once."

"Have you checked with the local utilities that they can supply that much electricity in one go? The folks of Boulder are gonna be mighty pissed if they end up in the dark as a result."

He laughed and I knew in his evil twisted little mind how much that would have amused him!

I hadn't met Stephanie before but I liked her instantly, true she was crazy as a fox but she was pretty and had a good sense of humor. Luckily both she and Charlotte had made all the right noises and Peter was satisfied but I could feel their emotions. Poor Charlotte, you would have thought she would be used to Peter's lunacy by now but nope, he still had the ability to astound her. I wondered if I would ever know a woman the way these two knew each other, I also wondered from time to time if Bella might be that woman but…..

"Major? Major? Are you coming to the barn? Peter wants us to try out some new game."

I was called back to the present by Charlotte's question and nodded following them down to the barn through the snowdrifts. Entering I could see Peter had taken my advice after all and moved the snow machines into the huge barn which was now knee-deep in the white stuff. There was an inflatable snowman standing at one end, his face covered by an artist's impression of Aro Volturi and we took turns at throwing snowballs at it trying to knock it over but of course it merely bobbed back up each time until a rather too powerful throw by Charlotte burst the plastic and Frosty Aro finally crashed and burned!

After this Peter suggested a toboggan race down the steep gully at the rear of the ranch but this was to be a race with a difference as we were all handed costumes to wear. Charlotte became an elf, Stephanie a fairy, Peter was Santa and of course I drew the short straw as Rudolph!

I have to admit that it was fun, we spent a couple of hours hauling the toboggans up the increasingly icy slope just to ride them back down again in seconds. I thought about Emmett and how much he would have enjoyed this. I was missing the family increasingly as time went on but it was my own fault I had forced myself to leave after my unforgivable act of betrayal with Bella. My thoughts always returned to her but this time there was a feeling of unease mixed in with my usual sweet longing and I wondered if she was OK. Maybe I should travel up to Forks after Christmas, just to check on her and put my own mind at rest.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

 **Edward**

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised by Peter's over enthusiastic use of decorations, it was just how he was but at least the lights meant that someone was at home and hopefully I could find a way to communicate with Jasper. I was unhappy leaving Bella alone in her present condition but it had been unavoidable.

As I approached the ranch house I heard voices and then saw a figure I recognized coming from the barn with a female I didn't recognize. Was this girl attached to Jasper? That was going to make things awkward but steadfastly I moved into the light and spoke,

"Jasper? We need to talk."

 **Jasper**

I had taken Stephanie to see the horses and as we walked back to the house I was stunned to see Edward appear out of the snow. When he spoke I thought I understood why he had hunted me down. He had found out about the night I had spent with Bella. Why else would he find the need to track me down in a blizzard? The perplexing thing was that he didn't appear angry just worried and agitated, impatient even.

I turned to my companion,

"Would you excuse us, Stephanie, it seems my brother wishes to talk to me. Please tell the others I'll be in soon."

"No, don't tell them that….. Miss, I think Jasper might be accompanying me but you can tell them that there's nothing for them to worry about."

Stephanie threw me a questioning glance and I nodded in reply, now feeling intrigued.

Once she had gone Edward stepped into the shelter of the stables and beckoned for me to join him.

"I take it you know?"

He didn't need to ask what I was referring too, he just nodded a little tightly.

"Yes, but that's not exactly why I'm here. I need you to come with me Jasper and I need you to refrain from asking any questions until we reach our destination."

It wasn't like Edward to be so mysterious and I frowned at him,

"Is this some kind of joke? Or are you going to get me away from here and teach me a lesson? I can only apologize for my actions. I never meant to hurt you, I didn't even know that you and Bella had parted until I spoke to Esme a few weeks ago, it was the first time I contacted them, just before they flew to London."

"It's immaterial now and much as I would like to knock you on your butt I need you to come with me."

"And you aren't going to tell me why?"

He shook his head and then we both turned as we heard footsteps approaching. Peter, having been informed by Stephanie that someone had come to speak to me, had come out to see what was going on.

"Well, well, if it isn't Edward Cullen. What's up? You lost your way looking for Santa?"

Edward just looked at him impassively.

"You're welcome to join us if you like. After all, it is the season of Goodwill to all men and I'm pretty sure that would include you too."

"Thank you but I have somewhere I need to be and so does Jasper."

"You don't say? A secret is it?"

"You could say that and I don't have much time so if you're ready Jasper."

I could feel Edward's agitation growing and made my decision.

"I'll be back as soon as I can Peter."

My friend stared at Edward for a few minutes longer then nodded.

"OK, it's your decision, but if you need me…."

"I'll shout, besides if it was trouble you'd already know."

He considered this,

"I guess so."

Then he turned and walked back through the blizzard to the house and I followed Edward towards the mountains.

"Where are we going?"

"A small hunting lodge, it's only about twenty miles from here."

"Are you gonna tell me anything?"

He glanced back at me as if considering my question then nodded,

"Let's just say there is someone who wants to speak to you."

The plot thickened, someone? I decided not to concern myself with any speculation, I needed my wits about me, the deep snow drifts concealed crevices and depressions that while not dangerous would be inconvenient and Edward was setting a very fast pace as if time were of the essence.

He didn't speak again and slowed to a halt well before we reached any building then turned to me.

"You go on, I'll be there later, I have something I need to do, and Jasper…."

"Yes?"

"Take it easy."

Before I could ask him what he meant by that or who I was going to find in the lodge, he was gone.

I moved forward more slowly now sensing a swirl of mixed emotions from up ahead where the lodge presumably stood. It seemed to me at first that all the emotions were emanating from one person, just as Edward had intimated but then I caught more faint, almost nebulous tendrils of another. The stronger of the two was nervous, worried, excited, and eager all at once while the only emotion I could sense from the other was love and contentment, what the hell was I walking into?

Reaching the door I tapped gently and heard slow heavy movements as someone got up and came to answer my knock. As the door slowly opened I caught a very familiar scent and closed my eyes. Bella! What in God's name was Bella doing here? And why had Edward come looking for me? At her behest? I doubted that.

I stepped inside and felt my hands shaking, I wanted to put my arms around her, pull her close and kiss those soft warm lips but my eyes were drawn inexorably to her stomach which was huge. Bella was pregnant! Is this what Edward had wanted me to see? Was this his way of paying me back? Seeing Bella carrying his child? Was it their way of telling me that whatever had happened between the two of us he had Bella once more and they were going to have a child? Strange that Esme had told me Edward and Bella were no longer together, she couldn't know the real truth. Well, I could be a man and congratulate the couple even though I felt as if I had been gutted with a blunt knife.

I followed her to the couch by the fire and took the chair opposite.

"Edward didn't tell me you were here. I guess I should congratulate the two of you. I'm glad what happened between us didn't ruin things for you both. When is the baby due?"

She smiled a little sadly,

"He didn't tell you anything?"

"Not really, just that someone wanted to talk to me. You are the last person I would have expected to find up here in this weather. Wouldn't you be better off in the city? With the family even?

"I didn't know how to find them at the time, Edward was the only one I could contact."

Now I was truly confused,

"I'm lost, Bella. Oh, wait a minute, did you only find out you were carrying Edward's child after the two of you broke up? That must have been something of a shock but I'm glad he's standing by you now. He's a good man Bella and I'm sure he'll be a good father too."

She had no idea how much it hurt me to say those few words.

She blushed, putting a hand protectively over her belly and I thought she had never looked more beautiful or desirable. I cursed myself for leaving Forks but then again if she and Edward had parted only to come together again then what would have been the use of my staying? If I had met her first then maybe things would have been different but neither she nor Edward had explained why they were here or why they had sought me out. Surely this tiny old lodge out in the middle of nowhere wasn't safe for a woman expecting a baby any day, it was foolhardy, and in this weather! What were they thinking?

She wriggled to the edge of the couch and held out a hand to me.

"I'm really glad to see you, Jasper."

I took it becoming more confused by the minute, did she want us all to be friends? Perhaps she and Edward had come to find me so we could face my guilt and maybe see if I would rejoin the family.

Suddenly her face screwed up in pain and she gasped clutching at my wrist and crying out.

"Oh! I didn't expect this just yet but I think the baby has decided it's time to make an appearance."

I froze suddenly out of my depth, terrified. I was alone with a woman who appeared to have gone into labour and her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Bella must have seen the look on my face because she laughed through the pain.

"Don't look so worried Jasper, everything will be fine."

Fine? I was glad one of us was optimistic, I was just petrified and had no idea what to do.

"Could you help me through to the bedroom, I think I want to lay down for a little while."

"Right, of course, is there anything else I can do? Heat water or something?"

"Actually that might be a good idea although I have no idea why they always do that, and could you bring me a drink in, I'm really thirsty."

Relieved to have something to do I almost ran from the room and grabbed a bottle of juice from the table then looked around for water. My attention was struck by the empty blood bags on the side. Had Bella been drinking human blood? Of course, if the baby were a hybrid that made sense! Hearing another cry I dashed back into the bedroom hoping that Bella wasn't actually giving birth at that moment and wondering where the hell was Edward? After all, this was his place, not mine!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

 **Edward**

Once I knew that Bella was no longer alone I felt I could leave her. I had no idea how to deliver a baby but I knew someone who might. I hadn't considered it until I spoke to Peter but there it was, Charlotte, his wife. She might not have much experience but she would do a whole lot better than I could and I thought Bella might feel more confident having another woman with her as she went through labour. It would mean telling the Whitlocks what was happening but they would find out soon enough anyway.

When he opened the door Peter was surprised to see me and then looked past me for Jasper.

"You got turned around in the blizzard?"

"Not exactly, could I speak to Charlotte?"

"Now why would you want to do that? I think I'm missing something here."

I was relieved when I saw Charlotte appear behind him.

"Edward? What's wrong? Where's The Major?"

"He's with Bella, that's why I need your help. She's about to give birth and I don;t have the faintest idea what to do."

"Give birth? What the fuck is going on here?"

Charlotte didn't stop to ask any questions, just grabbed her jacket and pushed past her husband.

"Come on then, Steph, you want to give me a hand? You probably know more about babies than me."

The woman I had seen earlier with Jasper appeared nodding and grabbed her coat too.

"You can explain on the way. Peter, you coming?"

"Me? What the fuck do I know about babies? Come to think of it why did you take The Major? He knows fuck all either."

"I would think the answer to that is pretty obvious Peter. He's the father."

Peter's eyes widened in shock then he grinned,

"This I have got to see. Come on folks, no hanging around."

 **Jasper**

I was lost but Bella seemed to be taking things in her stride. She lay on the bed and I sat beside her holding her hand.

"I can help you with the pain Bella, or help you relax anyway."

"You're doing that just by being here. I didn't think Edward would be able to find you in time and it seems he was only just in time by the look of things."

I was about to ask her why it was so important to her to find me but she gasped and I could see that unless Edward got back soon he would miss the birth of his baby. More importantly, I would be getting a crash course in delivering a baby!

 **Bella**

I knew my baby was impatient to meet his or her daddy and it was important Jasper knew that but the pain was overwhelming and I found breathing difficult enough. With Jasper's help, I got out of my robe and managed a few sips of juice before the next contractions threatened to rip me apart. All kinds of strange thoughts went through my head, did we have enough blood for the baby once it was born? Was the place warm enough? I had to think clearly, Jasper needed to know the truth before our baby made its appearance.

"Jasper, there was a very important reason I needed to find you and without Edward's help I'm sure that wouldn't have been possible."

 **Jasper**

There was something odd about this situation, I should be feeling more isolated from Bella than ever considering she was about to give birth to Edward's baby but I didn't. I felt closer to Bella than ever, closer even than that wonderful night we had spent together. If only it were us awaiting the imminent birth of a child.

"Bella, I have no idea what you mean. I thought perhaps the two of you wanted me to know that my actions hadn't ruined things for you but surely it wasn't that important that you risked coming out here in this weather? I'm glad for you obviously but a letter would have sufficed."

She was smiling as if I had said something extremely funny and I decided I was missing something very important.

"Jasper, Edward and I came here because you had a right to know I was pregnant. You see this baby isn't Edward's…..it's yours."

I froze trying to take in the bombshell I had just heard. It made sense of my feelings, I was drawn to the tiny spark of life making ready to enter the world because it was my baby.

I was brought back to reality when Bella gasped again and then spoke,

"Jasper, I understand we need to talk about this soon but I think it will have to wait a little longer because baby can't. Could you find the baby blankets I packed, we'll need something to wrap baby in when it arrives."

She was right, we did need to talk about this but I was a little relieved to have something concrete to do right now.

 **Bella**

I wasn't sure how Jasper felt about the news he was about to become a father but a particularly strong contraction took my breath away and I had a strong urge to push. Seconds later I felt my baby coming and shouted for him in panic. He ran in just in time to see his baby make its entrance.

 **Jasper**

I found the little blankets, one white with a small yellow duck embroidered in one corner and the other pale green with a yellow teddy in the corner. All the time I was thinking about the staggering news that I had created a new life with Bella and any minute now I would see the miracle and be able to hold my baby in my arms. Whatever Bella wanted was fine by me but I intended to be in my child's life and hers too if she would have me. Then I heard Bella's cry and when she called my name I ran back into the room just in time to see my baby's head appear.

I wrapped my hands around the tiny shoulders and supported the fragile body as it slipped from Bella's body then held it up to her.

"It's a girl Bella, we have a daughter and she is so beautiful, just like you."

She had a head of blonde curls plastered down and smeared with blood at the moment and the biggest brown eyes, just like her mom.

I held the tiny infant out so Bella could see her and she smiled wanly stroking the soft cheek with a finger gently.

"Hello, there my precious little girl. I think Noelle looks more like her daddy."

Noelle? It was a pretty name and rather appropriate considering the season.

My daughter let out a little cry as I wiped her face clean with a damp cloth and wrapped her in the yellow blanket wondering at how I had been partly responsible for this tiny miracle. I felt a huge swell of love fill me to bursting and understood that my daughter was telling me how she felt, she had my gift! I was carrying her back into the bedroom where Bella was resting exhausted when I heard voices outside. Edward was back but he wasn't alone following him in I recognized Charlotte, Stephanie and Peter who stopped dead,

"Fuck me Cullen was telling the truth."

The girls disappeared into the bedroom to help Bella tidy up once they had peered at my daughter while Edward and Peter came over staring down at the tiny figure in my arms. Noelle lay still but she was watching me.

"Aren't babies supposed to cry a lot or sleep? She's watching you like she recognizes you, Major."

"Yes she is, isn't she. Say hello to Noelle Whitlock."

Edward nodded to me but I could see the pain in his eyes, he wished she was his daughter rather than mine and I didn't blame him.

Peter looked at me a little sheepishly,

"Could I hold her? I'll be real careful."

I held her out and Peter took her gently as if she was made of spun glass and looked down at her,

"Hi there beautiful, I'm your Uncle Peter and we're gonna be great friends."

Leaving her with her "Uncle", Edward and I went into the kitchen to talk.

"Edward…"

"Don't Jasper, Bella explained everything."

"Yet here you are."

"I could hardly leave her to go through all this on her own. She was really brave and sensible, you be good to her or you'll have me to answer to. For now, I think Bella needs you not me."

I nodded and went back to the bedroom to find her sitting up in bed looking staggeringly beautiful but tired. Charlotte was busy stowing away the old bloody bedclothes in a plastic bag and Stephanie was with Peter as fascinated by Noelle as the rest of us.

I went to Bella's side leant down and kissed her,

"I am so sorry I wasn't there for you Bella but I will be from now on. We both owe Edward a lot."

"Yes we do but I'm glad you got here in time Jasper. You should know that I don't expect you to stay just because of Noelle, I would understand if…"

I stopped her with a kiss,

"Don't even think about it Bella, you and I and Noelle are a family and do you really think I am going to turn my back on the two girls I love more than anything in this world?"

She smiled then lay back exhausted gazing at the others cooing over our daughter. I went and retrieved Noelle placing her in Bella's arms and joined them on the small bed wrapping my arms protectively around the two of them until they both fell asleep together.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One**

 **Bella**

I was beyond exhausted but also very happy, my daughter had arrived safe and sound and Jasper had arrived not only in time for her birth but seemed over the moon with the news he was a father. I had wanted to speak to Edward, to thank him for everything but I was just so tired. And as soon as Jasper put Noelle into my arms I drifted off to sleep comfortable at the safe feeling from his strong arms around us both.

When I woke and found my daughter gone from my arms I sat up in panic but then relaxed as I saw Jasper sitting beside the bed with our daughter's tiny form in his arms, his cheek resting against the top of her downy head. He looked up as he sensed my gaze,

"Hello, darlin' feeling better?"

I nodded although I still felt very tired and sore.

"I guess I owe you an explanation."

He shook his head,

"No, I owe you an apology. I never thought for one minute that our night together might result in this but I'm really happy it did. I guess there are a lot of problems we still have to face, not least of all your parents. Do they know?"

I explained how I had lied to Charlie to give myself some breathing space and how I had left Forks to protect our baby.

"Edward was the only person I could trust to help me since Noelle is a hybrid. I guess I hoped he could get Carlisle to give me some advice but the family are on Isle Esme. He's been wonderful Jasper, considering she's not his. I don't know what I would have done without him."

"Why did you end up here, though?"

I blushed,

"I think something drew me to you without me even knowing, or maybe your daughter knew where you were."

He seemed pleased with that idea,

"Well, Noelle is the best Christmas present I've ever been given, thank you, Bella."

"Christmas present?"

"Yes, Merry Christmas darlin'."

He stroked my face with his free hand.

I had lost track of time, was it really Christmas Day already?

"Charlotte thinks it would be better if we took you and Noelle to their place, it's warmer and you'll have a bigger, more comfortable bed. Besides I think maybe she wants to show you that you are a part of their family now too, besides which it's a little crowded in here."

He was right, it did seem a little overcrowded and I really longed for a bath. Edward had done all he could and I would be eternally grateful but now I could go somewhere a little more comfortable and with Jasper and our daughter.

The blizzard had finally blown itself out so I was bundled up in blankets and sleeping bags with Noelle hugged close to my body and sleeping peacefully then carried back to the Whitlock ranch in Jasper's arms. I couldn't help giggling thinking how strange we must look travelling through the deep snow in a convoy.

Jasper stopped at the top of a steep hill and turned so I could look down on the Whitlock ranch which was dazzling against the white now it was no longer snowing.

"That is Peter's idea of traditional Christmas decorations and I warn you, the interior is even worse."

I giggled, I really didn't care, it was wonderful, magical just like my life right now.

Inside it was cozy but not small although the decorations festooned everywhere made it appear like Santa's grotto and I was relieved when Jasper took me straight upstairs into a bedroom that felt just as welcoming, I was still shattered but Noelle was grizzling and I knew she was hungry so once I was settled in the huge soft bed I offered her my breast but she turned away and became more upset.

"I think perhaps she'd prefer some blood, maybe she's more like me after all."

I nodded,

"I thought she might but unless Edward remembered the blood bags he stored out in the snow I have no idea where to get any."

Jasper smiled one of his brightest smiles,

"Bella, you are in a house filled with vampires, do you really think obtaining blood is going to be a problem?"

I groaned,

"Sorry, my brain is still asleep I guess but Jasper…."

"Yes darlin'?"

"Could we try her on animal blood first, please?"

"Of course. Now you sleep and I'll take care of our little one."

I think I was asleep before he closed the door.

 **Jasper**

Noelle quieted as soon as I got out of the room and I wondered if she has sensed Bella's fatigue and it had upset her. She felt so warm and soft in my arms, a real Christmas miracle but I didn't have l0 seconds to enjoy my daughter before I was surrounded by people. Looking up I was astonished to see Esme, and Rose, staring at my daughter with wonder.

"What are you doing here?"

"Do you really think we were going to miss out on this?"

Rosalie held out her arms,

"Could I hold her Jazz? Just for a minute?"

While Rose rocked Noelle singing to her softly Esme explained that Edward had managed to get a message to them explaining Bella was pregnant,

"So we caught the first plane back and Charlotte invited us to stay here. Congratulations Jasper."

She pulled me into a hug and I could feel her joy both for Bella and I. Plus, of course, the new life we had brought into the family.

Excusing myself I went into the kitchen where the guys were whispering to each other.

"I'm going hunting."

"What the fuck for?"

"For Noelle, she's getting hungry."

"Oh right, well, let me come with you, after all, you're outta practice hunting humans."

"That's OK, I brought the blood bags from the lodge. I figured the baby might prefer it to formula although I brought that too."

I turned to Edward,

"Thanks but Bella wants Noelle to try animal blood first."

Peter burst out laughing just as I knew he would but Charlotte soon shut him up.

"I'll go with you Jazz."

I took Emmett up on his offer knowing he wanted to congratulate me without Peter putting in his usual caustic comments.

As we left he slapped me on the back,

"Congratulations man, you are coming back home now aren't you? You and the family I mean, we missed you and Bella."

I haven't discussed it with Bella yet Em but I'm really glad you're all here."

It was true, I was glad to see them, my family around me in my time of joy.

We weren't gone long but I could hear Noelle before we hit the porch, she might be little but she had one hell of a set of lungs and she knew what she wanted. I took her from Esme who only handed her over reluctantly. My daughter was going to be a hit with everyone and it might be a struggle to get some time alone with her.

I took her upstairs with the bottle of blood Charlotte had made up for me and creeping into Bella's room so as not to wake her I sat in a chair by the window and watched as Noelle drained the first bottle then demanded a second. Her cries woke Bella who took her from me while I went to get the second bottle from Charlotte who was already bringing it up the stairs.

"Don't worry, I'll keep the others away. I know you and Bella want space to talk. Anyway, Peter is taking everyone out for some fun you know toboggan races, snowman building and God knows what else.! Be thankful you are otherwise engaged."

She kissed me on the cheek and went back downstairs as the others followed Peter outside and the house became quiet.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two**

 **Bella**

I had started out alone, with no idea if I could find anyone to help me, frightened, pregnant with a half-vampire baby growing in my womb and a couple of thousand dollars to my name. Looking around me as I sat on the couch in the Whitlock lounge I realised just how much things had changed. I was surrounded by people who loved me, eager to help in any way they could and by my side Jasper with our baby daughter in his arms and plenty of others only too eager for their chance to hold her and make a fuss of both Noelle and me. It had all been slightly overwhelming but when Esme told me Edward had sent word via a skipper at the boat yard where they stored their launch because he knew they would want to be here I decided I would give them a second chance, after all they were the only family Jasper had apart from Peter and Charlotte.

I still found it hard to believe it was Christmas, a season I always loved but now it would be even more special. It would mark the day my precious daughter was born and the day Jasper and I were finally reunited. I thought about my parents and how Noelle's birth meant I could never go home again. I would be denying them the chance to be Grandparents, nor could they be a part of my life any more.

Our daughter was a hybrid and Carlisle had explained exactly what that would mean

"She will grow much more quickly than a human baby both physically and mentally. Whatever gift she has, if any, will soon become manifest and she will need to be shown how to hide it and fit in with humans for her own safety and for yours. If the Volturi were to hear about her then there will be questions asked and she may well be called to Volterra to be examined and may even be kept there until she matures and can prove she is no threat to our kind. As you see, it will be too dangerous to involve your parents in her life, Bella. You must find a way of cutting yourself off from them I'm afraid. Perhaps you could tell them that you went off with Jasper instead of going to Japan, that the two of you are married now and you plan on living abroad. That way they need never know about Noelle and you can slowly distance yourself from them. It will be hard for you as I know how close you and Charlie are."

I hated to do that but it was the best way out of the situation. The thought of being Jasper's wife certainly appealed although we hadn't even discussed what to do now we were parents let alone marriage! Then right in front of everyone he went down on one knee and proposed. I know I blushed even as I nodded and then we kissed to seal the bargain.

"I am so sorry I don't have a ring for you yet but as soon as the snow melts I promise I will take you out and buy you one and then…..then we will find somewhere to get married and…"

He was halted by the laughter of everyone else and looked around self-consciously as Peter spoke up.

"For now you can call this home Major. Besides you will need someone to babysit while you go spin a tale to Bella's parents."

I hated the thought of leaving Noelle but Peter was right, just as Carlisle had been. Letting Charlie see our daughter would complicate matters too much.

"Ah, Bella. I know you chose Noelle's name and I love it but would you mind if I gave her a middle name too?"

"Of course not, Noelle just came to my mind as I saw her for the first time."

"It suits her, I'd just like to give her my mother's name too, Eve. She would have been so proud of her Granddaughter."

I smiled, it seemed fitting that she should carry a family name.

"Noelle Eve Whitlock, it's beautiful."

I was still tired so I went to bed leaving the others to carry on celebrating and as Noelle was wide awake I left her in Esme's capable hands. As Jasper helped me upstairs we saw Edward and Charlotte's friend Stephanie standing very close together through the glass door leading onto the porch.

"I think there might be romance in the air tonight and I don't just mean us."

I smiled,

"I hope so, Edward deserves some happiness after all he's done for us."

Once I was comfortable in bed Jasper lay down beside me.

"I asked Carlisle why you had been drawn to Colorado earlier."

"Oh, and what did he say?"

I was tired but interested to hear Carlisle's answer,

"He thinks it was the mating pull that drew you, either that or maybe Noelle felt the attraction to her father."

"I think I prefer the latter, she certainly recognises you."

It was true, she did. From the moment of her birth, she had watched Jasper as if he were very important to her just as he was to me.

"I miss her Jasper. I guess because it's the first time we have been separated. It's like she's always been a part of me and I guess she is now."

"She's a part of both of us, living proof of our love for one another. I still find it hard to believe that I helped to create her, she's so beautiful, so perfect."

"Yes, she is and very lucky to have you as her father."

I closed my eyes as tiredness and contentment washed through me. All the fear and loneliness was now gone and I was where I belonged, with my very own family.

Jasper

I waited until Bella was sleeping soundly and then went back downstairs to my daughter. She was in Rose's arms now and still looking as alert as ever. We had no idea how much vampire she had in her but her diet of animal blood and her need for little sleep gave us a clue. The strange thing was that when she was close to Bella she seemed more human and when she was with me or the others she manifested more vampire traits. It was almost as if she were a chameleon, adapting to the way the person she was closest too acted and appeared. I was certain that as she grew up our daughter was going to be full of surprises, but for now, she was our baby, the manifestation of our love for one another, Bella and me.

TO BE CONTINUED….


End file.
